Wherever you are...

 "WHEREVER YOU ARE, BE THE SOUL OF THAT PLACE"

I just read this sentence and it struck me...

Wherever you are, be the soul of that place.

Last week I had someone pick up something I had sold

on Market place. It was a local person who knows my

KD's family so I felt safe to have her pick up at the  Cottage.

Her car was running and her two girls were in it.

She thought she was going to just run in and pick up,

Oh but I started talking... and she started talking,

and before we knew it, I was giving her and her two girls,

who by now had joined us inside, the tour of the Cottage.

I am so very proud of my simple but quaint little Cottage

and each time I get to give the tour, or have friends or kiddie's

gather I am able to once again see the beauty of this place.

My new friend and her two girls gave me a piano concert

and before they left we had mutual people we knew and

were facebook friends. She stayed so long that her hubby,

who made the purchase was worried that he had sent them

to some crazy persons home... that may be true but I am harmless, lol.

I pray that I am always willing to open my doors to people 

and when they leave, they are happier than when they came,

that they find some contentless in the little things of life,

that I share whatever goodies and wise words I have thought of

as they visited. But I know one thing, I am...

The Soul of Mumsie's Cottage.

"BE THE SOUL OF WHEREVER YOU ARE."

TO THE LEAST OF MY BROTHERS...

 He was unshaven and disheveled,

When I saw him pull over to go through the pile

of "unwanted" that I was making in front of the Cottage.

As I approached him to add more to the pile

I said to him, "Take whatever you want"

so as not to scare him away.

He looked up at me shyly and I continued to talk

so as not to embarrass or scare him away.

"I am just trying to clean up some of these many books and toys

the Grandgirls have accumulated here."

He asks about a few things in the pile and then shares

that he is raising his 8 and 11 year old grandchildren

and it was a "Poor" Christmas.

I continue to make conversation so he also shares

that his wife was in the Attic on Christmas morning and

fell through and broke both her legs and is now 

awaiting surgery at their home.

I can see the worry on his face, the tiredness around his eyes.

"And you have two little ones?"

He rolls his eyes and adds, "... and their Mom"

It can't be a good situation.

I tell him again he is welcomed to anything out there

and I leave so as not to stop him.

As I go inside the Cottage I can't stop thinking about this man,

those children the same age as my own grands,

I have so much, I am so blessed....

I grab money out of my wallet and look out the window

to make sure he is there. I want to share the money I just

received from painting Cardinals but he is gone...

Then I am reminded of something I was taught at religion,

that story of the poor man who goes up to the rich king and is 

turned away while he gives to the rich.

Maybe that was my chance to be a disciple.

"WHATS SO EVER YOU DO TO THE LEAST OF

MY BROTHERS, THAT YOU DO UNTO ME."

#searchchances2022

MY NAMESAKE.

Twelve years ago, when my niece Minta was pregnant

for her first child, she asked me if it would be alright 

to name her unborn baby girl, Lillian.

Both she and her hubby Duane had Aunt Lillian.

I was deeply honored to think a child would be born and carry 

my name and I am sure Duane's Aunt Lillian was as well.

She is my sister, Simone's grandchild, one of three of her grandgirls.

As Mone prepared to die I made her a promise.

That I would be there for Minta and make sure her little girls 

were looked after.

Yesterday I asked if Lillian could come after Christmas shopping with me.

My grandgirls had plans already so it would be just her and I.

When she was very young she used to spend lots of time with me.

Then divorce, moving, busy with art got me with less time.

Just as always, the less time you spend with someone, the easier

it is to put it off.

Yet I was determined to carry out my promise to my sister.

I cannot even begin to explain the great day we had yesterday.

Going from one store to another shopping the 70 percent off sales,

showing her the best bargains and how things could be used 

all year even if it was marked Christmas.

She was like a sponge, absorbing all I took time to explain to her.

When she said, "My favorite place to eat is pricey"

We both said "PF CHANG'S!"

and that it was for the win! 

There were so many things we talked about, 

funny things, not so funny things, 

babies and just how the body is a miracle.

About my own daughter and her wife and what it means to be gay

in the world of today.

Teachers and friends, boys and idiots.

Popular girls who are still nice to all.

So many conversations.

I miss my sister terribly, to loose a sibling is like loosing 

a part of your childhood.

But to have this girl and her sister back in my

everyday life is something I may not have gotten if she

would have continued to suffer on this Earth.

We can't all live forever, as Dr. Phil says,

"It would get really crowded..."

So I try to look for the blessings of saying goodbye to a loved one.

Lillian is definitely one of those blessings.

CHRISTMAS MAGIC

Most of my Christmas decor is picked up and ready for the attic.

As i pack all these things up for the next year

I am reminded once again of my own Christmas holidays.

How each year those old ornaments, flower arrangements

and door coverings were there each year.

Our home was big, nothing fancy just big, but we did not

have an attic and my Dad insisted on saving everything

"In case someone needed it".

So there were things all over, yet come Christmas season

my Momma would know exactly where to go to

get those beautiful ornaments, tinsel, and lights.

I never watched where she would store them nor

did I ever think about it until today when picking up my own decorations.

This, my dear friends, was  a small part of Christmas magic. 

TELL YOUR STORY

IF YA KNOW ME, YOU KNOW I LOVE WORDS.

I LOVE THE SOUND OF THEM, THE SPELLING OF THEM,

THE WAY THEY CAN BE PUT INTO A CERTAIN ORDER

AND PULL ON THE HEART STRINGS OF OTHERS,

WORDS CAN CHANGE THE ENTIRE MOOD OF SOMEONE...

and yet, we so seldom use them...

As I contemplate the book that I insist on publishing by

next year at this time I find this song by

TATE MCRAE:

"An Original Song About Life"

Lately I've been thinkin' 'bout my life

And all the things that never seem to cross my mind

Maybe 'cause I'm sort of scared of time

And that there's not enough of it

It only hit me now

I'm only young right now

Won't live a day feelin' down

And, yeah, it took a while

It waited on the side

'Til I screamed out asking how

There's never gonna be a better story to tell

It only hit me now

We're only young right now

Won't live a day feelin' down

And, so, it's been a while

It waited by the side...

There's never gonna be a better story to tell

All I'm sayin', no time for breakin'

Everyone's fadin' now

All I'm sayin', live for the moments

Don't waste your time right now

There's never gonna be a better story to tell

What beautiful words to live by as I also have been 

thinking lots about growing old, staring into the mirror

way too much wondering how those small lines got around

my lips, I didn't smoke so this would not be an issue, 

and yet, there they are.

Learning about Geriatrics in Nursing school at the age of 18,

well I didn't really think about just how fast it happens once

you hit a certain age. Yet with every line, every dark spot,

every extra pound of fluffiness, I have a story to tell.

Yes, my back is crooked and I have surgical scar lines,

it's my testament to surviving cancer as a child.

Yes I have "11 forehead wrinkles" 

Its my testament to using facial expressions to get my 

points across to my two grown children who have grown up to be such great humans.

Yes,  the curve of my lips seem to be drooping it's a testament

to lots of smiling and laughing in my life.

Aging is a weird and wonderful thing and although

sometimes it seems hard to understand I am fortunate that I get to 

live through this phase of life, not everyone does.

HOLD ON 2022

"THERE'S NEVER GOING TO BE A BETTER STORY TO TELL"

AND I WILL BE TELLING MINE.

 

DECK THE HALLS...

DECK THE HALLS WITH THE TRIPLE J GOOFBALLS!

It's finally time for a party at the Cottage.

The grandgirls are here, spent the night as preparing

for a gathering with their friends takes a lot of work.

Sister C is also here to assist and Maw Maw will be here a little

later to also help with the fun.

It is an honor for me to be able to host a party for 

The Grands and their friends.

Each thing I have made, that they have prepared has them

so excited for the events.

As they decorated bags for popcorn for their peers,

wrapped present after present,

they spoke of each friend individually.

They are so fortunate to have so many close friends whose parents

will allow them the come to the Cottage.

One of my biggest hopes is that I can continue to do these things

not only for them but with them.

As we prepared to call it a day they spoke of how excited they were for today.

Well except Jemma, she just was all about the cuddles and sleeping 

with Aunt C. 

I just know that today we will add more memories to their

nostalgia bank and that either a smell or a thought 

will come to them as an adult and they will

remember the days at Mummies Cottage for parties and friendship.

I just know these girls will be blessed with besties 

just as I am after all these years.

 

I'M OKAY WITH A RING POP

THERE IS A NEW POP SINGER ON THE AIR WAVES

THAT GOT HER START ON TIC TOC.

SHE STARTED AS MAKING PARODY'S WITH OTHERS SONGS

AND HAS NOW BEGAN TO RECORD HER OWN SONGS.

JAX IS HER NAME AND ONE OF HER OWN IS CALLED

RING POP. 

"I'M OKAY WITH A RING POP"

THIS SETS THE STAGE FOR THIS PRECIOUS GIFT 

GIVEN TO ME BY JOJO.

LAST EVENING AS WE ALL SETTLED ON THE COTTAGE FLOOR 

TO EXCHANGE GIFTS I WAS BLESSED WITH THREE

BEAUTIFUL HANDMADE GIFTS.

NONE MORE SPECIAL THAN THE OTHER, 

EACH AS DIFFERENT AS SNOWFLAKES.

JOLEE HANDS ME THIS SPECIAL WRAPPED GIFT

AND AS I BRAG ON THE SKILLS OF THE WRAPPER

SHE PROUDLY SAYS, "I WRAPPED IT MYSELF"

SHE LOOKS ON IN HER SHY WAY AS I BEGIN UNWRAPPING

ALMOST SEEMING AS THOUGH SHE WRAPPED IT SO LONG AGO

THAT SHE DOES NOT REMEMBER WHAT IS IN IT.

THERE IN THAT BOX SO LOVINGLY GIFTED IS A STUFFED ANIMAL

I AM ALMOST SURE IS ONE SHE WON IN A CLAW MACHINE

AND YES, A RING POP...

SHE IS A TAD UPSET WHEN I JOKINGLY ASK HER IS SHE

GOT THAT RING POP OUT OF MY SNACK BOWL.

"YOU DON'T HAVE THAT IN THERE"

OH JOLEE YOUR GIFT HAS MADE ME THE PROUDEST MUMSIE

AND 

"I AM OKAY WITH A RING POP"

 

The loving plate

I had a bigger plate in the spare bathroom for years.

During Ida my godchild, Tedi was here and loved the idea so I gifted it to her.

Yet I missed that plate so much.

It was a place to leave sweet nothings to others.

A few months after, I was looking for something to give my coffee friends

and I found a smaller version at Tuesday morning.

I had to buy an extra for my spare bathroom.

It did not get used as much as the older one did but it was there

for me to leave love notes to visitors.

I forget about the plate sometimes but it always has a dry erase pen 

ready and willing to be a part.

Yesterday while cleaning up in there I see this message from Jilly.

Anyone who knows me, knows my main goal as a Mumsie

is to leave enough memories in their hearts so as always to be a part of them.

This note shows me I am doing a lot right.

It is not so much her sentiment that pulls at my heart strings

but also how much she absorbs all the things we speak of.

for instance, I always sign my name instead of writing LOVE with a heart.

Here she does the same. the AKA is especially memorable for me.

One time while looking at an art piece I had painted she turns it over and sees

LILLY AKA MUMSIE

She asks what exactly does AKA mean.

I go on to explain that because I have many titles to different people

I add AKA which stands for  "Also Known As" and sign Mumsie.

She makes no more comments or asks no more questions about this.

Time has passed since that conversation.

So to see it here displayed has me "Verklempt"

(old SNL word, sorry for the spelling)

I choose to believe she uses it in other places as well 

and tells her friends what AKA means.

They are listening my readers, keep teaching.

 

THE PROBLEM WITH SHARING A MEMORY

 ONE OF THE ISSUES I HAVE HAD WITH THE JOURNALING

AND WRITINGS OF MY PAST IS MAKING SURE

IT IS FACTUAL AND NOT JUST HOW I SEE IT 

IN MY MIND AND HEART.

I REMEMBER LONG AGO READING A BOOK CALLED

 A MILLION LITTLE PIECES

IT WAS A BEST SELLER AND AN OPRAH BOOK CLUB READ.

HE WAS EVEN ON OPRAH, ONCE TO PROMOTE HIS BOOK

AND THE NEXT TIME TO DEFEND HIS BOOK.

IT WAS SAID THAT IS WAS LISTED AS A AUTOBIOGRAPHY

WHEN IN FACT THERE WAS LOTS OF FALSE STATEMENTS.

THE BOOK WAS ABOUT HIS ENCOUNTERS WITH HIS DRUG ADDICTION.

I REMEMBER BACK THEN SHARING WITH JESI 

THAT ALTHOUGH IT MAY NOT HAVE ALL BEEN TRUE,

IT WAS HIS MEMORY OF THOS HARD TIMES.

WE ALL KNOW THAT THERE ARE ALWAYS THREE SIDES 

TO EVERY STORY. THE TRUTH ONE IS THE ONE THAT SUFFERS

WHEN WRITING A BOOK.

IT HAS BEEN ONE OF THE REASONS I HAVE BEEN HESITANT

TO PUBLISH MY OWN CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF 

SURVIVING CANCER AND GROWING UP IN A BIG HOME.

THESE ARE MY MEMORIES AND I HAVE NO WAY OF 

KNOWING JUST HOW TRUE THEY ARE.

THEN RECENTLY WHILE LISTENING TO A PODCAST 

AN AUTHOR SPOKE ABOUT HER MEMOIR.

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE SHE GOT THIS CERTAIN DEFINITION

BUT IT WAS IMPACTFUL TO ME.

MEMOIR: A WORK OF IMPERFECT MEMORY

IN WHICH YOU METICULOUSLY CAPTURE ALL

THAT YOU CAN RECALL AND USE INFORMED 

IMAGINATION TO FILL IN WHAT REMAINS.

A LIGHTBULB MOMENT AS IT GAVE ME REASON 

TO PROCEED WITH MY WRITING,

COMBING THROUGH JOURNALS AND OLD BLOGS

TO SHARE MY MEMORIES WITIH OTHERS.

2022 I SEARCH MY HEART AND SOUL TO MAKE

A MEMOIR TO SHARE WITH OTHERS.

Mumsie Cottage memories

 I MADE A PROMISE TO MY SISTER 

AS SHE PREPARED FOR THE NEXT PHASE OF HER LIFE.

I PROMISED HER THAT I WOULD DO MY BEST TO BE

IMPORTANT IN HER LITTLE GRAND GIRLS LIVES.

TO BE THERE FOR MINTA WHEN SHE NEEDED A MOMMA FIGURE.

SINCE THEN I HAVE HAD VIOLET OVER FOR A SLEEP NIGHT

AND THIS FRIDAY I HAD LILLIAN SLEEP OVER WITH JILLIAN.

THEY USED TO BE SO CLOSE WHEN TODDLERS AND IT SEEMS

LIKE THEIR BOND IS STILL INTACT.

AS WE BAKED AND MADE THINGS IN THE KITCHEN,

THE CONVERSATION WENT IN MANY DIRECTIONS.

ONE OF THEIR ANTICS WAS KEEPING THE COTTAGE

AFTER I DIE AND LETTING IT BE LIKE THEIR CAMP,

WHERE THEY AND THEIR SIBLINGS COULD COME

AND JUST HANG OUT AND DO

 "ART STUFF TO KEEPIT TRUE TO THE COTTAGE"

WELL OF COURSE THIS SPARKED MY HEART.

SO I WENT ON A LIMB AND ASKED JILLY THE QUESTION 

I WILL ALWAYS WANT ANSWERED AS IT IS MY MAIN GOAL

WHEN SPENDING TIME WITH THE GRAND GIRLS:

"WHEN I AM GONE, WHAT WILL YOUR MEMORIES BE AT THE COTTAGE?"

JILLIAN WALKS OVER TO ME, HUGS ME AND DOES A PROPER

IMITATION OF HER MUMSIE.

"HEY POOKIE, I LOVE YOU POOKIE" AND KISSES THE TOP OF MY HEAD.

OH BE STILL MY HEART!

THEN SHE PROCEEDS TO TELL LILLIAN,

"TONIGHT BEFORE WE GO TO SLEEP, WE WILL PLAY FOOSH,

WHICH IS WHAT MUMSIE CALLS A PILLOW FIGHT BUT EACH TIME

YOU SWING A PILLOW YOU HAVE TO SAY FOOSH,"

"THEN SHE WILL SINGS US OUR PRAYERS AND A BUNCH OF 

LITTLE SONGS SHE SINGS TO US THEN SHE WILL KISS 

US GOODNIGHT AND TELL US SHE LOVES US."

IF YOU EVER THINK LEAVING YOUR MEMORIES WITH THOSE 

LITTLE HEARTS BY CONTINUING WITH THESE SMALL GESTURES MATTERS, IT DOES.

THE NEXT MORNING THAT SAME 10 YEAR OLD GRANDGIRL

CLIMBS INTO MY LAP FOR HER MORNING RITUAL OF

BEING ROCKED WHICH I HAVE PROMISED HER WILL ALWAYS HAPPEN HERE.

AS I CONTINUE TO MAKE LASTING MEMORIES WITH THE 

LITTLE CHILDREN I LOVE I KNOW THAT IT MATTERS, 

IT MATTERS TO THEM BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY IT MATTERS TO ME.

A NEW YEAR

 ITS A NEW YEAR COMING UP

AND WHILE KEEPING NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

IS NOT ONE OF MY STRONG POINTS,

THERE IS SOMETHING I DO AT THE BEGINNING

OF EACH YEAR AND CARRY THROUGH UNTIL 

DECEMBER 31.

PICKING A WORD FOR THE YEAR.

THIS IS YEAR IT WAS BE....

EACH TIME I POSTED ON INSTAGRAM, OR

WROTE IN MY JOURNAL I INCORPORATED THE WORD BE.

SO NOW I AM CONTEMPLATING ON A WORD FOR 2022.

I NOW KNOW MY WORD FOR THE NEW YEAR WILL BE...

SEARCH.

THAT'S RIGHT THIS YEAR I WILL BE SEARCHING

MY SOUL, MY HEART, MY MIND AND IT WILL BE EYE OPENING I AM SURE.

I ALSO KNOW SOMETHING I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH THIS

YEAR IS FINALLY FINISHING THIS BOOK I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON

FOR SO MANY YEARS NOW.

I AM A STORYTELLER AND HAVE JOURNALED AND WRITTEN

SINCE I WAS VERY YOUNG. HOWEVER, I HAVE ALWAYS 

STRUGGLED IN THE EDITING DEPARTMENT.

I HAVE NEVER FIGURED OUT HOW TO MAKE ALL MY SHORT

STORIES ABOUT MY LIFE EXPERIENCES IN A WAY THAT

COULD BE SHARED WITH OTHERS.

BARE WITH ME IN 2022 AS I PUT TOGETHER A DAILY READER.

EACH DAY I WILL COMPOSE A SHORT STORY AND HAVE THE

BOOK BE DIARY FORMED. 

SO GET READY MY DEAR FRIENDS AS I GO ON A JOURNEY

AND SEARCH MY LIFE.

THIS IS THE YEAR I WILL FINALLY SEND THIS BOOK TO 

THE PUBLISHERS. 

THANKS FOR READING, FOLLOWING AND COMING ON THIS JOURNEY

WITH ME.

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today would be my Momma's 101st birthday.

If I were a child again, 

it would also be the day my Daddy went out and bought

our live Christmas tree that we would decorate after

supper and birthday cake.

Dad would untangle the lights, fussing my Mom for

not putting them up correctly the year before and

nailing a string from the tree to the wall to keep the tree

from being crooked.

That was his part, lights and straight, and he was done.

Then Momma would put on Christmas music, pull out her

old Ornaments and reminisce as she handed us all her old glass bulbs

to decorate the tree. 

She would go to another place sometimes on these said nights

and at the time I did not understand it.

Yet this year as I and the grandgirls removed things from my attic

to decorate my own tree I understood.

There is my box of ornaments was the bear with Roddie's picture

in it that he made in first grade and Jesi's popsicle stick Santa

hat that had her own photo in it. 

The styrofoam ball with three little branches coming out of it

that every year I lovingly put on my tree, still not knowing

exactly what it is. There were many others that just sparked a memory

Jesi also had a little nostalgic look at the tree when she visited.

Telling D to look at that "One on the bottom branch"

and walking in the studio with two small ornaments she chose as a child.

We laughed about the ball with the sticks and even she does not

remember what it was supposed to be.

In the library, she saw a wooden display she painted when she was

a child and said,  "I can't believe you still have this."

Of course I do, My momma taught me long ago that one day

these simple Christmas decorations would be the same I 

treasured as I got older.

My momma, the things she taught us when she said nothing at all.

Happy Birthday dear woman, I hope you and Simone have been reunited

by now and you gals are waiting for Dad to untangle those darn lights

so you can begin your part of the tradition.

 

THE ADDRESS BOOK

 IT WAS TIME FOR A NEW ADDRESS BOOK.

I HAVE BEEN USING THE SAME CHRISTMAS ONE FOR OVER 7 YEARS

AND THERE HAVE BEEN JUST SO MANY CHANGES.

FINDING AN ADDRESS BOOK IN THIS WORLD FILLED WITH TECHNOLOGY

IS A TASK.

I COULD ONLY FIND ONE AT BARNES AND NOBLE AND

NONE AT HOBBY LOBBY AND A FEW OTHER PLACES.

I KNOW I COULD HAVE GOTTEN ONLINE, USED MY

AMAZON PRIME AND GOTTEN IT THE VERY NEXT DAY

BUT FOR SOME REASON, I WAS NOT INTO DELAYED GRATIFICATION

AND I WANTED IT YESTERDAY.

I SETTLED ON THE PINK FLORAL ONE, WITH NO CHOICES

TO CHOOSE FROM.

THIS TASK GOT ME THINKING TO THE OLDER GENERATION

AND HOW HARD IT MUST BE FOR THEM IF THEY HAVE

NOT LEARNED TECHNOLOGY.

WHERE KEEPING IN TOUCH MEANT OPENING UP THE OLD

ADDRESS BOOK AND HAND WRITING THAT ADDRESS ON AN ENVELOPE.

PUTTING A STAMP ON IT, AND PLACING IT OUTSIDE FOR THE MAIL PERSON

TO PICK UP AND TRUSTING THAT IT WOULD GET WHERE 

THEY SENT IT. 

IN AN AGE WHEN PEOPLE ARE LIVING LONGER THAN EVER

AND TECHNOLOGY HAS GROWN TREMENDOUSLY

SNAIL MAIL MUST EXIST. 

IT GOT MY MIND THINKING HOW FORTUNATE I AM 

THAT I WAS YOUNG ENOUGH TO LEARN THE COMPUTER BEFORE

IT BECAME THE MEANS OF COMMUNICATION.

YET WHEN IT COMES TO MY ADDRESS BOOK, 

I KEEP IT THE OLD FASHIONED WAY, JUST AS MY MOTHER DID

IN HER LONG PINK ADDRESS BOOK,

SCRATCHING OUT THOSE THAT CHANGE OVER THE YEARS.

THERE IS STILL SUCH NOSTALGIA IN GETTING A LETTER

OR CARD IN THE MAIL THAT JUST MELTS ME

SO I KNOW THOSE WHO ARE NOT TECH SAVY MUST 

THRIVE FOR THE HANDWRITTEN LETTER.

I WILL CONTINUE TO MAKE HOME MADE CARDS AND

ADD MY PENMANSHIP TO EACH ONE I SEND.

WHEN GOING THROUGH THINGS MY MOTHER SAVED,

IT IS THOSE HANDWRITTEN LETTERS THAT WERE HER TREASURES.

SOME THINGS ARE MEANT TO STAY THE SAME.

GRAND GIRLS AGAIN...

 THIS IS GOING TO BE JUST A RANDOM BLOG ABOUT THE GRANDGIRLS.

TRIGGER WARNING!

ITS FILLED WITH MUSHY STUFF!

MYSELF AND THOSE GIRLS... WELL WE JUST DON'T,

ALL FOUR OF US TOGETHER HANG OUT AS MUCH AS BEFORE.

MY ART BUSINESS AND THEIR BUSY SCHEDULES

ARE A MAIN REASON IT DOES NOT HAPPEN.

ANOTHER REASON IS ON FRIDAYS, THEY TAKE TURNS

COMING TO THE COTTAGE TO GET SOME ONE ON ONE TIME WITH MUMSIE.

THE FRIDAYS ARE THEIRS FOR WHATEVER THEY WANT TO DO.

SO IT WAS A RARE OCCASION, WHEN TUESDAY, I HAD THEM

OVER FOR THE NIGHT TO HELP ME DECORATE FOR CHRISTMAS ON WEDNESDAY.

WE PLAYED IN THEIR ROOM, JEMMA AND I,  BARBIES,

JILLIAN AND JOLEE WITH MY PHONE MAKING VIDEOS.

WE DISCUSSED GETTING RID OF THE TRIPLE BUNK BEDS

AS THEY WON'T SLEEP IN THEM AND ALL THREE WERE NOT FOR IT.

THE NEXT DAY THEY WERE ALL ABOUT THOSE BUNKS

EVEN THOUGH THEY ALL SLEPT WITH ME IN MY BED.

THEY KNEW THE BUNKS WERE ON THE LINE AND THEY HAD TO

MAKE THEM IMPORTANT AGAIN. 

THEY DECORATED THEM FOR CHRISTMAS,

JILLY HAD ME TACK UP A SHEET SO SHE COULD HAVE A TENT

ON THE HIGHEST BUNK. THEY PLAYED IN THE ATTIC WITH ME,

THROWING DOWN ALL THE CHRISTMAS THINGS

THEN GOING THROUGH ALL THE BOXES TO SEE

CHRISTMAS PAST WITH ALL THEIR DADS OLD 

DECORATIONS. THERE WAS BICKERING AND LONG EXPLAINED

CORRECTIONS FROM MUMSIE.

YET THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE TOGETHERNESS,

SISTERLY BONDS AND PLAYING TOGETHER.

AT EACH OPPORTUNITY, I WANTED TO MAKE SURE

THEY KNEW JUST HOW LUCKY THEY ARE TO HAVE EACH OTHER.

WHEN THEY BICKERED I REMINDED THEM ABOUT MY LOOSING

MY SISTER NOT VERY LONG AGO.

THE LASTING IMPRESSION I WANT TO LEAVE HERE, 

NEVER TO FORGET, IS NOT ONLY THE PILLOW FIGHT, 

CALLED FOOSH HERE, THAT IS TRADITION FOR A SLEEPOVER.

THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE IS WHEN WE ALL LAYED DOWN,

4 IN A KING SIZE BED AND I, LIKE ALWAYS BEGAN TO SING

PRAYERS AND SONGS THAT WE SING EACH TIME THEY SLEEP OVER.

THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT. 

INSTEAD OF JUST MY VOICE RINGING IN THEIR EARS,

THREE OTHER LITTLE VOICES CHIMED IN.

EACH OF THEM NOT MISSING ONE WORD TO THE

PRAYERS AND SONGS I HAVE SUNG TO THEM SINCE THEY 

WERE BABIES. 

AND THIS MY DEAR FOLLOWERS, IS THE MAIN REASON

FOR THIS BLOG. THAT A TRADITION I STARTED WHEN

THEY WERE BABIES HAS BECOME SUCH A ROUTINE PART

OF THEIR SLEEPOVERS THAT THEY KNOW EVERY WORD THAT

HAS EVER BADLY BEEN SUNG TO THEM BY THEIR MUMSIE

IS EMBEDDED IN THEIR CHILDHOOD MEMORY.

AND THAT IS THE GIFT OF BEING A GRANDPARENT.

(SILLY PHOTOS)

BUT OUR JEMMA, NEVER KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. CAME TO CHECK ON

HER AS SHE WAS QUIET AND DECORATING A TREE WITH 

A WEDDING VEIL SHE FOUND IN THE ATTIC.

NEVER A DULL MOMENT WITH THIS DIVA.

My Daughter is...

 My Daughter is Gay....

She is also a Chef,  married to her best friend,

and an Entrepreneur.

She loves animals, especially Her and Del's.

She knows so much about water buffalo's,

works on a farm where they are raised.

She is open and honest, starting to talk to strangers

just like her Momma.

I started this blog with a sentence that should not be important.

Not many parents or people have to start a conversation with 

" My child is straight"

This thought came to me on two occasions this week.

One when a new friend asked about my family portraits

on the piano. I felt the need to explain my Daughters wedding photo.

The other was while speaking to this same Daughter about 

another person who had yet to come out.

I made the statement to her of "Why should it matter,

we don't go around saying,  so and so is straight"

And this very statement got me thinking that a blog was in order.

As I realize I do this very same thing when speaking to 

someone new,  of

Jelaini's relationship (what I call Jesi and Delainie).

I asked myself, why do I do this....

One reason is because I am very proud of these girls.

Even more so after having them live with me for the last three months

following Ida. They are a good team, they cook and try new things

all the while talking about everything. They have a better relationship

then
what  I see in some heterosexual ones.

Yet, I realize the main reason I do such a thing is because

there are still so many people that will pass judgement

or give their negative beliefs on the subject of homosexuality.

I say it to let them know, Beware of what you say,

I am the proud parent of a gay child.

A GATHERING, A CELEBRATION

 Today we shall gather together, family and friends

to celebrate my oldest sisters life.

I am excited to see these people and spend time with them all.

This memorial is not to be a sad one.

I want my Grand Girls and all the other little children to see

that death is part of life and it is not always a sad thing.

I want them to witness us all laughing and sharing moments

that we had with Simone.

To assure them that although we will miss her, we are convinced

that there is another life after this one.

Simone's life was not always easy but she always tried

to see the best in most situations.

There were so many times that her life was at a point that

It might be the end, and yet, she fought through it and lived

to tell her story. 

Now as we gather at Mumsie's Cottage after the Memorial 

we shall carry on and tell her story and remember to 

hold those we love just a little tighter, a little closer

as the "Circle of life" continues to turn.

THE COLLINS CLAN

 THERE IS NOT A PHOTO THAT MEANS MORE TO MYSELF AND MY FAMILY 

THAN THIS ONE.

Many years ago, I was going through old negatives from my Daddy's 

Photography business and came across this rare one.

One from Simone's wedding to Joe that my own Daddy 

was the photographer.

It show the ages and the dynamics of our close knit family.

Left to right:

My mom holding me, I was under two years of age.

Veronica, Joe (Simone's husband), Larry, his step daughter and wife at the time,

Daddy holding Celena, Peter and Rosie in the front.

When I found the negative Momma had us each one made and framed

as a Christmas gift. It hangs in my bedroom as a reminder

of all the years our family was spread out.

Twenty three years between Taunt Mone and myself.

When she has those three good hours talking with Celena and I 

she even said, 

"Lilly, she has to tell everyone.. 23 years between us,

She is the oldest, I am the youngest.... If I didn't hear that 1.000 times

I never heard it once..."

Celena and I cracked up laughing because it's so very true.

Each time I have ever gotten to explain our family it is always 

what I say... Exactly like that. and over a thousand times

as I have said it to everyone whether Taunt Mone was there or not.

If you have been to the Cottage or a friend of mine,

you have heard me say this at least once, 

and I have probably walked you over to this very same photo

if you have been to the Cottage....

It is my very favorite one....

This Saturday morning, again feeling the loss as

since Ida, I visit Simone every Saturday with whatever Grand Girl is in tow.

Yet I know this is a great thing, that she has transitioned to the next World.

I know she will be sending us signs that all is well within her Soul!

Simone, Nov. 4th

My, niece, Minta who is Simone's daughter made a statement to her own children:

"If you are lucky, you get to leave this world the way you came into it"

Which meant, similar to Benjamin Button, you would regress to 

the baby you once were, being fed, cleaned, Comforted, loved.

All those things that were lovingly done for you as an infant

will once again be done for you as an elder.

As we watch and support my Oldest sibling this statement has become truth.

Hospice is a wonderful thing and having my sister back at the 

Nursing Home with KD as her hospice nurse is such a comfort to us all.

Yesterday AM was a tough one, KD called Minta and I to come to 

the home as she was there, making sure Simone was comfortable

and that loved ones were around her. 

When I got there, She was struggling and I did not think we had

much time left with her. Being a nurse, I started to do those things

that comes naturally to me. Then my dear Kd, My wonderful

Daughter-in- law, told me,

"You let me be the nurse and you be the sister"

Her words to me gave me a release that I had not felt since this ordeal began.

With this, I was able to be the comforter. I wiped her face,

held her hand, calmed her fears and finally just climbed into her

bed, held her and whispered the rosary in her ear as I beaded it on

her "Momma Rosary".

I layed my body next to hers just as she and other family members 

did for me when I had cancer so many years ago.

This along with all the meds Kd gave her to assist her breathing 

and her pain, she began to calm. Her oxygen rate increased,

her eyes closed and she was able to finally rest.

I believed this was her end.

I notified my siblings and family of this. 

MInta and I stayed to assure

she would not be alone as she made her final exit to the 

everlasting life that begin after this one.

And then... In true Simone fashion....

She opened her eyes and began to talk.

Celena, another sister arrived and she and I was given

one of the best gifts anyone could imagine.

As we sat on and at her bedside, she began to talk.

Her breathing was labored at times and her stories 

were not always making sense but we heard and understood

what her messages were relaying to us.

I now know that she, like me, has the gift of gab,

and did she gab... she put my "diarrhea of the mouth" to shame.

She told us stories of her childhood and of our own.

She asked about family members and wanted to speak to our sister, Veronica.

Celena was able to FaceTime Veronica and she was able to share her

love and say her goodbye's. She asked about my brother, Peter 

and we told her he would be coming to visit soon.

She spoke of my brother Larry who has died and his wife Lupita.

She asked about nieces and nephews, and about their children.

At one point Celena and I looked at each other and agreed

that we were so very glad to be a part of this special afternoon.

She warmed our hearts many times over. We prayed, we sang.

For me, she brought me to tears when, talking of her episodes in 

the hospital and of the morning, she said in a few different ways.

"I could not breathe, I thought I was going to die, then you walked in

and I thought to myself, Lilly is here, everything will be alright."

To hear and know that my being there was all she needed to feel peace,

well, not everyone gets to actually hear that from a loved one's mouth.

For every time I decided to go to the nursing home to visit, each time

I put away a painting to go to the hospital, each time I held her hand

and comforted her and even when I climbed into her bed, at that moment,

I was so very glad I followed my heart and not my mind.

No amount of work that would get done, no amount of money my

paintings give me, can compare to knowing what my presence meant to 

my sister and to myself.

Death is a part of the circle of life, Hospice and Kd makes the

transition easier. We will be sad to loose Simone but to 

be there as she takes this final life voyage has been one of the

best gifts I have ever experienced.

She and we are the "lucky ones" my niece spoke about to her children.

She will leave this World the way she came in, comforted and loved.

Thanks so much to everyone for your love, thoughts, prayers and support!

What is your number?

I was listening to a PodCast the other night where the host

was explaining that we cannot keep more than 150 people

close to us, in meaningful relationships because if we do

they are not meaningful or long lasting.

That if more than 150, you just cannot keep juggling more 

in your life and so some relationships will falter.

In some cases this may be true but I had to investigate

if this is true in my life.

So I began thinking of not only my immediate family but also

my extended family, nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews,

and now even great, great ones.

I have always been the family oriented type,

staying in touch with all these family members.

I not only try my best to reach out to my cousins near and far,

to keep them in the loop of my family as much as I can.

This could be about 100 right there because I am blessed with 

such a large unit.

I also have many friends that I stay in touch with, 

those from my childhood, those from my nursing career,

those clients I have met through my art business.

There are friends I have met on Match and there

are friends I have met in Plaquemine.

There is my wonderful Garden District friends,

those who I love entertaining at the Cottage for 

coffee or game nights.

Last but not least, my four children and my grand girls.

One of the best things that have come about from Hurricane Ida,

is having Jelainey (Jesi and Delainey combined) be with 

us here in Plaquemine for the last few months.

We have re- established the close bond he have had in the past.

Having them here, hanging with myself, Katie Roddie and the girls

has been the best time, we have missed them and I know not all was

bad with Ida. We will remain close once again as we realize

what we had lost due to being busy. We are not willing to give that up again.

My Triple J's, my grand girls...

My time with them, be it quality over quantity due to my Art business,

It is special times and when they are any of a number of their

friends calls me Mumsie..... I melt.

When I run into parents of their friends and they respond to me by calling me Mumsie

I smile. When the neighborhood children come over to hang with me

be it for a snack, hug or to learn some type of craft I am in my element.

With all this being pointed out I know my number is much higher than 150

and I would like to believe I am holding each one up the highest standard

that I can as I know the best gift I have ever been given is the "gift of gab"

and I feel I use that gift to make as many as I can feel important.

So as you read and contemplate this blog, try and figure out,

What is your number?

Then try your best to make each one of them count.

SIMONE UPDATE

Getting off a ventilator is not always good news...

Being put on a ventilator because you can't breath is not always the best.

Yes our Mone is off the vent, in a room, but she is not the Mone we knew before.

Minta and I spent a good half hour yesterday speaking with the 

Doctor and what his belief is for Mone.

A little back history, the Tuesday before this illness,

Minta and I met with Mone and a lawyer to go over her final wishes.

We discussed end of life treatment and she clearly told us both

that if the time came she only wanted comfort measures,

she did not want to be "kept alive".

Perhaps had this happened in a different situation, we may

have not allowed the ventilator, but she has now come off.

We are now witness to a shell of the woman she was just weeks ago.

Her brain function is not what it was, she cries for our parents

and cannot distinguish dreams from reality.

It kills me more that she seems frightened and distraught

rather than at peace. Yesterday it was decided that she will go

on hospice. If by some miracle she does get discharged back to the

nursing home, she will not be going back to the hospital as

the goal now is to keep her comfortable and let her go when her

time comes. Her prognosis is poor but like all deaths, 

we cannot put a time or a date on that.

Thankfully the sweet Doctor of yesterday prescribed medication

that has allowed her to rest and be less fearful.

He also reassured us the Hospice was the way to go and

they can almost assure us that she will just go to sleep and not

suffer in her transition to the next life.

Sister are coming in the next few days to help us with her care and

our goal remains to help her through this cycle of life.

When one begins crying for their "Mommy and Daddy"

and wanting to go home to Dursette Lane, where we grew up,

its time for her suffering to end and ours to begin

as we will mourn her loss, the loss of our oldest sister.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to us with 

thoughts and prayers.

We will always be grateful.

 

Simone

My sister Simone, she is having a rough time of it lately.

When most people think of siblings, they are reminded of their own

  who are usually just a few years older or younger than themselves. 

I was blessed by my parents to have 6 siblings in a 23 years span.

Simone, whom I speak of today is the oldest of us all,

81 and is now a resident of a nursing home here in Plaquemine since Ida.

 Just two weeks ago she was rushed to the 

hospital with gallstones and had to have emergency surgery.

Three days later she was back at the Home, doing well although confused.

 Then on Friday night my niece, her daughter, Minta

 received a call from the Home 

saying that the ambulance had to take her Mom back to the hospital.

As serious as the illness two weeks ago was, this episode is life or death.

She is septic and on a ventilator as she was having trouble breathing.

She had a kidney blocked by a stone and had that removed and

the organs washed out. Minta, has been a trooper for her Mom

and has been keeping me updated so I can update the rest of the siblings.

Yesterday evening, I was able to visit for an hour with her and my nursing

self knew what to expect, I have seen this scenario many times in my

career, but my heart, oh my heart....

it could never be ready to see my sister, still on a ventilator,

being weaned off the meds that kept her sedated so that they can

try and get her to breathe on her own.

As I approached her bed, with my Minta at my side,

I reached for her very swollen and cold hand and said,

"Hey Mone, it's Lil"

right away, she opened those big blue eyes that are mirrored in mine,

the ones we inherited from our Dad. As she tried to focus on 

my face, she also squeezed my hand and tried to speak.

We are all big speakers, us Collins children, often known to over-talk

each other, so for her not to be able to talk or try and

figure out what is going on is so hard.

I reassure her that she is very sick but getting better, that

I come full of love from our other siblings and family members.

She becomes so agitated that Minta and I decide to leave her rest.

She has at least six IV fluids, pumping through her, catheters,

drain tubes etc. she is far from out of the woods but this ICU staff

is superb at Our Lady of the Lake and if she does pull through

it will be because of this same staff and the caring of my niece.

My sister is a trooper. She has more lives than a cat, 

if the '9 lives' saying is true. Throughout all of her illnesses,

she has remained steadfast and positive in the belief that

she will be fine and if she is not, then she will be going with all

her other loved ones that have passed to the next life.

Being the baby of all the Collins siblings has me realizing oonce

again, that I will probably see this scenario playing out

again with another sibling before it is my time to say goodbye

to those I love. Yet there is  no amount of "practice" that can prepare

you to see someone you love suffering in life.

I do know this... that each time I am witness to the tragedies of this life

I am more aware of just how wonderful the body and mind is...

... and the heart, well it goes on and on.

(Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for your time as well.)

left to right!

Roseana, Veronica, Cheryl (sis in law), Peter, Celena, Myself,

and our oldest sister, Simone in the front.

Not pictured, My brother Larry who has died.

IT'S JUST A CAMP...DREAM ON

"IT'S JUST A CAMP" some will say...

"THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOST THEIR HOMES..."

others will say...

and still others may say, "THERE ARE CHILDREN WITH NO BEDS"

With all this said, and feeling a somewhat selfish guilt that 

some of us are not suffering as badly as others,

A camp for our Down the Bayou People is like our home.

My son, had just completed the buying of his own Camp that he 

has saved and dreamed about since he was a little kid.

Days after the storm, when we still did not know just how bad

Our Bayou was, Rod tried to talk himself through the fact that

his camp was gone. Thinking it was a gamble to even buy a camp 

in that area. Saying all this aloud, I told him that was a good 

way to look at it, he professed "I am trying to convince myself"

Days later when he and his girls were helping on the bayou,

he was able to see the roof of his camp with a set of binoculars.

A few days after he was able to go back there with his boat

and realize that although his camp was salvageable, so many were not.

I am sure he was thinking of his own selfish guilt at that time.

This introduction takes me to my dear friends,

Cindy and Pat Walker's camp, DREAM ON

I was fortunate enough to be commissioned by our other dear friend,

Allie, to paint Dream On.

It was in my early days and sometimes, I really did not know how

the final painting would come out.

This portrait became on of my favorites.

Unfortunately, Dream On, as Cindy's grandchildren said,

should now be called Nightmare....

Yes, it was just a camp....

but people in South Louisiana, who are fortunate to have a camp,

are not those who were born into wealth or given such a 

luxury item. Their camps stand for so much more.

They may have dreamed and thought of owning one their whole lives,

like my Son. 

They may have worked 80 plus hours a week just to save a little bit

on the side for the day that maybe they could have a camp.

Others may have started their own business with hopes of making it 

bigger than their parents, only to want the luxury of a camp.

Still others may have not gone on vacations so as to invest in the camp

they wanted one day. 

Camps in this area are rarely owned by anyone who were just blessed to "get a camp".

So for these people, their camp is and extension of their home

It is something they wanted so badly that even though there may not

be any insurance companies who will cover them, they still

take the leap of faith to own one, knowing that with any storm,

they could have lost it all.

Hurricane Ida took DREAM ON from the Walkers, as she

did many others.

They remain in that limbo where they try and grasp the loss 

without forgetting just how blessed they are to have a roof over

their head, loved ones who have survived illnesses.

However their camp along with all the others symbolized a

life of relaxation, where a family could gather and share their lives.

Where work could not interfere with time at the camp,

where love was spread and spoken.

I am relieved for my son that he has some camp left. 

while I am sad for others who have not been so fortunate.

In closing I would  like to say, I love what I do,

So that the Walkers have my camp portrait to 

remind them to DREAM ON...

Everyone needs a dream, I am glad my art can

remind them of that.