Looking Back on old blogs of lilbitofmyworld....

Feeling a Tad sad today...

Although it has been a crazy 6 years for My ex and I

and his family,

Yesterday he lost his half sister.

On January 19th of this year,

she sent me a text asking for forgiveness for

any pain she every had brought to me,

that I would always be her sister in law,

thanked me for all I had done for her,

especially when she got her first diagnosis of kidney cancer.

I told her then I had forgiven her a long time ago

and did love her.

I did not think less than a month later she would

die from her reoccurrence of kidney cancer.

I looked back on my old blog,

lilbitofmyworld.blogspot.com

Maybe there I would find some comfort from the weird feelings

I have today.

I find this that i Posted in 2013.

Again, I say God sometimes speaks to me in words read in books.

In this wonderful book on page 177 I read this 

as it relates to my life:

"...it is called a survivorship mentality...

I have come to understand what being a survivor means.

It is bestowed on those who see a glimmer of light 

in a hall of darkness. It is a person who has no

doubts, no fear and only confidence,

who at times seems irrational.

It is a person who believes that he or she

alone can find the solution, and that at the right moment,

it will become evident. 

It is confidence that exudes optimism hand in hand with faith...

Being a survivor must be more than an ability 

to find solutions; it must also be an ability to cope.

Suddenly I understand what it means and I wonder if

I am up for the challenge..."

Yes, I am a survivor. I will find my way and every day

I have a new understanding a new idea.

Great things will come from this new understanding

of my life, whether it be to speak out to others

or to be someone others look to.

Whatever it is, I am up for the challenge.

I AM A SURVIVOR.

I guess today it is what I needed to read.

I may feel sad today for the loss of her and

things that have been brought to the surface

from long ago,

but give me a few hours of "feeling sorry for myself"

and I will be fine because it's what I do...

I will be stronger because of it.

MY BROTHERS MISHAP...

I often wonder if things lost are found and if not,

where are they now, the same as when people pass away,

I want to know "Where are they right now..."

Which brings me to my blog today.

I recently bought the new iPad Pro for the sole reason

of writing my book and it turns it into type.

I am writing my memories of being a childhood cancer

survivor through the eyes of my 5 year old self.

Since yesterday I have been obsessed with my brother, Peter's

graduation ring. You see when I was fighting my battle of

cancer my brother was fighting a different war, Vietnam.

I have been told the story that he had gotten a special family leave

to come home to see his sick baby sister.

In his travels, he took a ferry across the river and was

leaning on the ledge twirling his South Lafourche graduation ring.

I wonder what he was thinking, but regardless he

dropped his ring into the Mississippi river.

I have thought of this often through my life but more

since I and the Boo began Metal Detecting.

Finding the ring I am sure is almost impossible

as the weight of it probably had it sink right into the mud

But would it not be fantastic if that ring would be found

washed up to one of the lands of the Mississippi?

That would make for a great special interest story....