Tuesday, April 18, 2017

SHE IS SIX

She is six now and so much has changed.
She is in school now, so our sleepovers have been cut down
a bit and usually when she comes her little sis
is in tow.
Yet, yesterday, it was just her and I.
My sweet Jilly Bean.
So much is the same, oh but so much is different.
We still take adventure walks,
now instead of me pointing out treasures,
she is pointing and picking them out herself.
Our conversations have become more advanced,
"Mumise, do you cry? Not happy tears I mean real tears"
She sings often and wants me to video her.
This is another difference, before her singing was just
for me, a one person audience.
Her coloring is no longer out the lines,
beautiful, vibrant colors, on the chalkboard last night.
I pick her up to place her in the tub,
she is solid, six year old weight,
not the feather light toddler anymore.
She no longer plays with the toys aside the tub.
"Lets hurry and bathe so we can go do card crafts"
She is not tired at 7pm, ready to play our 
favorite night game of "foosh" our version 
of a pillow fight.
Instead we go into the Studio and she makes two cards
for her little neighbors who are moving soon.
When it is finally enough time that this Mumsie can't
go anymore we retreat to the bedroom for "foosh"
No longer do my pillow throws hit her and knock her down.
No, now she hold a pillow up in front of her strategically
and blocks my pillows, stopping each one from knocking
her down. Then just when I am out of pillows she
attacks with a vengeance, My ammunition is gone,
I am at her Mercy.
We then read books, same routine since she was
a baby, that too has changed.
It's her reading to me and a chapter book.
Her head still fits in the crook of my arm but her long
body takes up more space than before.
I am aware of so much this day.
Because she is maturing, growing into such a beautiful child
who can "Drama Queen" with the best but
hold a conversation like she could not before.
I am tired then, having worked in my yard most of the day.
Lights out.... and then, then the one thing that has
not and I hope never does change,
"Hug me Mumsie, hold my hand"
"sing me prayers, Mumsie"
She hugs my arm tightly as I sing OUR FATHER
and when I get to her favorite part, she sings along,
"...FOR THE KINGDOM AND THE POWER AND THE GLORY
IS YOURS, AMEN"
She still wants to cuddle, falls asleep in my arms with
Oliver tucked between us.
She is asleep in minutes, myself, just a little longer 
as I contemplate the changes taking place in my oldest
grandgirl. Soon she will be a preteen, and perhaps
sleeping at Mumsie's won't be as appealing to her.
I treasure these moments, getting farther apart as she grows up.
She will have sleepovers at friends homes, or friends at
her own home. Yet, this Mumsie will always treasure
our times together, will always play "foosh"
no matter how big she is and how old I am
and we will always cuddle and read books,
no matter which of us is doing the reading.
Most importantly I will always sing to her the perfect prayer
and we shall always sing her favorite part with just a little more
flair,  and our night will always, always end
with an arm around her growing body and
"I love you, Jilly"
"I love you, Mumsie"



Friday, April 7, 2017

A FAMILY LIKE NO OTHER



When living in Thibodaux I met so many  
awesome people, friends. 
Some I speak to here and there and some
I am part of the family.
The Duet's, my once neighbors are family.
Having lived next door to them
for six years we have shared a lot.
Like I have blogged about before,
Katie, the neighbor, being their daughter,
became a close friend to me
with age playing no part, no age gap as
we love scrapping, crafts.
Last time I blogged about this wonderful family,
it was when their son and brother, Stephen
passed away from a rare heart disease.
One of the saddest days of my life so I
can't even imagine what that was like for them.
Today I blog about Donna, the Mother
to this heavenly child and Katie.
Last week Katie informed me that her Mother,
having gone for her routine Mammogram,
was diagnosed with Breast cancer....
WHAT???? How can this happen to 
this most amazing family? Where is the lesson
here? Knowing Donna, she does not like "fanfare"
and if she shed tears about herself, it was in 
the privacy of her home in the arms of her
family. Warren, her hubby, always being the
best supporter of all, has to be worried so.
It has not been enough tragedy that they bury
their baby boy, now his high school sweetheart
having to go through chemo., surgery,
I know him well enough to know he would 
love to take this away from her, to go through
it himself. I have no doubt, Donna will go 
through this with grace, for all the world to see
and like I have been known to say,
sometimes the things we go through has nothing 
to do with us but for someone else
in our world who needs to learn a lesson as they
watch how this family goes through this.
Katie, their daughter, will be at her Mothers side
through it all, her little Cherub, Addison and
Stephen's girlfriend, "Aunt Meal" as Addison
calls her will see them through this as well.
What I want to share is this,
this family will attack this diagnoses with
little tears, hide nothing from others who ask
questions. Donna, no matter how badly she
may feel while going through chemotherapy,
will share that with very few, going to work as
many days as she can through this ordeal.
I hold this family high on a pedestal,
not only today because of what they will face,
but the way they face all the negative things
in their lives, with honor and grace.
Soon it will be over and done, Donna
will get over this and in a few years many
won't even remember she had cancer.
Except I know she will now be an advocate
of yearly Mammograms just as her Katie will be.
Donna's worry will be for Katie and Addison, knowing
that because they are females, they may hold
the same gene she did that made one cell go crazy
to cause this breast cancer.
I love you, Duet's and in pure Lilly fashion, 
I will leave you with one funny statement to 
take the edge off this terrible diagnosis,
"YOU CAN NOW HAVE THE BOOBS OF
YOUR DREAMS AND YOUR INSURANCE
WILL PAY FOR IT!"
Love you all, here for the journey!
The Duets during happy times,  Baby boy and Kd's
wedding. Steve-O sitting, so much life!
Katie, the neighbor and sweet "Aunt Meal"
Camille, Stephen Love, no doubt she will be a 
dentist soon!
And our dear Donna holding the one who will make
this journey a little easier, our Addison, AddieMae to 
me, Aunt Mumsie.
Offer up a prayer for this sweet wonderful family!

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW ITS LOVE

It has been close to four years since I've been single,
having ended a 30 year marriage.
Having not been much of the dating type
when I was a teen, Ron being my high school boyfriend,
I was determined to enjoy the single life,
and I have, I did.....
I have had many wonderful dates, met many
wonderful men, some I remain friends with,
some that after one date I have not contacted again.
I met most via Match.Com and lots of people
would say its not very safe but for me
(after doing a criminal background check and
always having a 911 buddy, more on that later....)
I have dated more because of it than perhaps I would have
had I not used that dating site.
My famous motto:
"I love dating, I hate relationships."
and thats all those Match meetings were, dates....
Most ended quickly.
No one I incorporated into my daily routine,
no one I had asked my children to meet,
no one worthy of being part of the grand girls lives.
Then, like a needle in a haystack, something changed.
I began emailing this one guy and I liked a lot about
him right off the bat. Through phone calls, emails,
texts that finally led to a date that landed up into a long
conversation night.
He brought me flowers, Lilies to be exact.
He listened, listened well, forgot very little.
He began sharing personal things with me and
I found myself doing the same, something I had
not done during the dating fiasco.
The more I learned about this man, the more comfortable
I became sharing parts of my life.
I found him to not only to be smart but to be Worldly.
Having traveled as a Navy brat and then going into
the Navy himself, he filled me with knowledge that
I have been interested in as I get older.
He took an interest in my business, saw my talents as more
than just a hobby, shared the love of "junking" 
antiquing, shopping. cooking.... So many things.
I found myself, by Valentine's Day, knowing 
there was more to this "date" than just a date.
I was not about to say "THOSE THREE WORDS"
Matter of fact, wanted to run from the same words
when professed to me. But this time, I didn't.
I didn't run, I didn't find an excuse to stop dating,
I didn't remember how much I love my own company.
Because with this man, who is now known in the blogging world
as "MY BOO" something was different.
I asked my children to meet him, I thought about the future
when maybe the grand girls could meet him as well.
We both like the way things are now,
talking nightly, texting numerous times daily.
but our time together is weekends only. It works for
us and it is all either of us can give at this point but I share
all of this now with you all, my blog followers,
because, I am now accepting of the fact that.......
I LOVE THIS MAN.
I do not know what the future holds for us
nor do we worry about it, for now, it is enough for us both
just to know, we are in love.
Which takes me to the title of this blog.
Deana Carter, many years ago, wrote and sang the most
beautiful song,
THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW ITS LOVE
First time I heard it, I cried, it was of sadness.
Because I knew besides the love I have for my children,
I had never loved like that and probably never would.
That was over 10 years ago.
Then last week, I ask the Boo, if he ever had heard that song.
That is not very unusual in our relationship as music, lyrics have
played a big part in "us".
No he had not so I read the lyrics to him.
As I did, I felt like I may cry again, but for a different reason
this time, because perhaps, something I thought was impossible 
for me to ever feel towards another had indeed happened.
For the last few days, I have contemplated this writing,
wrote it and deleted it, typed it and saved it,
typed it and erased it, but today, I have the courage to
print those lyrics here and now because, I have no
doubt in my heart that,
I KNOW IT'S LOVE.....
IF YOU GET OUT IN THE DRIVIN' RAIN
STAND IN THE EYE OF A HURRICANE
AND NEVER THINK TWICE
IF YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON SELFISHNESS
AND YOUR THOUGHTS ARE FOR SOMEONE ELSE
'CAUSE THEY'VE CHANGED YOUR LIFE
THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW ITS LOVE
THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S MEANT TO BE
WHEN THE SPAN OF FOREVER 
JUST NEVER SEEMS LONG ENOUGH
THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW ITS LOVE
WHEN YOUR HEART INSISTS THAT YOU GIVE IT ALL
WHEN YOU NO LONGER FEAR THE FALL
AND YOU JUST LET GO
WHEN THE PAST IS FINALLY DEAD AND GONE
FATE LEADS YOU SOMEWHERE TO THE ONE
THAT HAS YOUR SOUL
THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW ITS LOVE
NO PART OF YOUR QUESTIONS
NO PART OF YOU DOUBTS
YOU'RE ONLY SURE THIS IS WHAT LOVES ABOUT
AND NOTHING AND NO ONE CAN STAND IN YOUR WAY
OR KEEP YOU FROM SAYING WHAT YOUR HEART IS DYING TO SAY
Yes...... And that is, in fact, Just how I know it is love!                                                                                 

Thursday, March 30, 2017

DAISIES FOR DAYS

"Why Daisies?"
He, the boo asked one day when I am thanking
him for sending me a bouquet of my very favorite flowers.
Before knowing my favorite, he had sent Lilies and Roses.
I love all flowers, especially those grown and cut from the yard.
The last bouquet he graced me with, he knew me well enough
to let the florist know (she shared this info. with me)
not to arrange them as I like arranging my flowers myself.
How he does this, remembers all these little things I may
say or do that he does not forget..... IDK but it is why he is MY BOO!
So back to the original question,
"Why Daisies?"
Here is my answer.....
A little tyke in the hospital, battling cancer,
One memory.... Daisies from my Uncle Luke and Aunt Tim,
often. but not from a florist, picked and brought from
his yard. My hospital room usually had lots of flowers,
but the ones brought by Uncle Luke were always my favorite.
They were not arranged fancy like the florist bought ones.
My eyes often, as a young child, laying in that bed,
were drawn to those daisies.
I have sporadic memories of the years I fought cancer,
this memory, one of my favorites.
As I got older, when visiting my Uncle and Aunt,
I noticed that daisies always grew in abundance between
a narrow patch of dirt between the house and the drive.
I never left without a handful of them.
I always loved putting these daisies in my bedroom, having
them sit there and even then I realized the beauty
of what one small group of fresh flowers can bring to a room.
Now, I try and keep fresh flowers in my cottage as 
often as I can. 
Back to the daisies. When I would see the daisies at my 
Uncle's home I would like to believe he planted them for me,
only me, his baby niece who was fighting a battle that
seemed I would not win. I never asked him if that was 
the case, because I want to still believe that was the reason
they grew there.
As a teen, I was going over there to pick Uncle Luke's daisies
so often that my Dad went and dug up a few plants and
planted them for me in our own flowerbeds.
Each spring, my room was filled with them.
Now I am an adult, daisies still give me that warm feeling
they did way back when.
This past weekend, me and the boo went to Whole Foods
where there were real daisies, traditional in color,
white with yellow centers, Shasta Daisies and I just
had to have some as all of the ones I planted in my yard last
year died. I pick out four beautiful plants, the last there were
and the Boo bought them for me...
"BE STILL MY HEART" 
and this is why it will always be Daisies...

"DAISIES FOR DAYS"




Friday, March 17, 2017

WORKING FROM HOME...

At the same time I am using the analogy of
"feeling like a juggler with two many pins in the air"
my business, MUMSIES COTTAGE
has begun to take on a life of its own.
Just in the last few weeks, I have been commissioned
to make a scrapbook for a Fathers Day gift,
signed three children on for lessons,
and working with a baby boutique to make cards for them.
With all of this on the burner, three grand girls, my kiddo's
and a relationship I am giving my all  
I am trying to come up with a work system for working 
from home. Which leads me to this blog.
I have read a most interesting article addressing just this.
And now, I know beginning Monday,
(as my weekend is filled with my boo)
I will only work in the studio.
I will work four hours each morning dressed for success.
I will take a lunch break for half an hour
and enter back for another 4.
I will work half days on Friday.
Once, again talking about the juggling...
I know I am not giving enough time to some of the pins.
My DTB family and friends have not seen enough of me.
My thibodaux family I made for myself in the 10 years
I lived there, also does not see enough of me.
I am still working on this juggling act.
I pray that all who know me and love me
give me a little forgiveness for the things I am not doing
so well in. I want this business to thrive but not at
the cost of taking important pins out of the juggling.
However, some things have to be removed, for my health
as well as that there is just not enough time in the days, weeks,
months. I will figure it all out in time but for now.
I will give this Mummies Cottage business a little more
time in the air, I need this for my health and I am
just going to have to get a little selfish for a bit.
Love to all!

Monday, March 13, 2017

BEANS NEVER DO GET OLD....

Today our Jilly Bean turns six years old.
It is so very hard to believe six years has passed, so much
has happened, she and her sisters have brought 
us so much joy.
Her favorite food? Beans...
any shape, size, color, Red beans her fave,
hence the title of the blog.
I could write a book just on the antics, things she has said,
done and has learned from us, her first teachers.
Yet, each one of us who love her would say
she has taught us all so much more.
She is loving, more than her 6 years should know,
but on the same note, she can throw a tantrum like
all other six years old.
She forgets very little so don't try and pull wool over
her eyes, she will call you on it! 
I will make this a short blog with a montage of pictures,
leaving you with one story that will show just what
a special child she is to us.
I still, since she is born, spend almost every Wednesday
with her. One this one Wednesday a few 
weeks ago, I am at her house as she gets off the bus.
Her baby sisters are there as well, she rushes off
just to share some love with sisters.
She hugs JoJo tightly, JoJo swats at her face.
With the smile still on her face she runs to baby Jemma,
kisses her and hugs her, Jemma pulls her hair.
She then comes back to her Mumsie for a second hug
and kiss. As I am hugging her I say, 
"Poor Jilly, loving on the babies and they won't give her 
a break"
She responds with a statement that shows her love for 
so many...
''Oh yeah, Mumsie, but I don't care, I love them anyway
and I am going to kiss them and hug them everyday anyway"
Oh we love our Bean!
I often steal her line,
" I could love and squeeze you until your guts come out"
Happy Birthday, My Jilly bean,
"I HAVE LOVED YOU, WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE,
I WILL LOVE YOU, AND YOU ARE MINE"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
This day, 6 years before, just as beautiful then as now
 Bean at 1 1/2 with My Mommy, her Mommee...                              
 A Christmas when she was an only child.
 One of our Mother/daughter tea parties at the church 
I and my children grew up in.
 Our "sassy in a good way"
(as she calls it)
in the church her Mother and her sisters
will be raised  in.
Jilly and her family that she loves so much,
at Gulf Shores.


Monday, March 6, 2017

LOVE LIKE NO OTHER.....

This morning, while checking Facebook, they
remind me of this post I made 4 years ago, when
my own marriage was finding its end.
An older couple's obituary that I loved so much
I actually cut it out of the paper.
Seems after all those years of being together,
in death they were not to be separated,
dying within 24 hours of each other.
I do not know this couple nor their families.
I am not one to normally read the obits but this one
has always been close to my heart.
I wonder about their lives, being together and passing
in their 90's. I wonder how hard their lives may have been.
I wonder how many times they may have fought and
found their way back to the other.
I wonder how many times they kissed good morning 
and then good night,
I wonder how many nights they spent away from each
other and how hard that must have been.
The one thing I do not wonder, is this,
that even in death, they would rather leave this world
together, forging the next voyage of their lives together.
Such a touching story, even now four years later.
It is the type of love all of us should strive for,
it is the type of love, even through rough times
we should make marriages this important if in one.
The type of love we should be for another.
It is the type of love all should not settle for less.
Four years later, I am still in love,
with this couple, with what their story says to us all,
I want to be like them when I grow up....
If I ever grow up.....

Friday, March 3, 2017

THE NONC ROY

My cousin Reggie has been going through 
a whirlwind, along with his brother, Jude and 
Reggie's wife, Vickie.
Since last Friday, when his Dad, My Uncle Roy,
was rushed by ambulance from our local DTB hospital
Lady of the Sea to University hospital in NOLA.
Heart attack caused by a septic infection in his bloodstream 
caused by his gallbladder stones getting stuck in 
the ducts that go to the liver.
The first night Reggie and I spoke he mentioned his
Dad had began to  turn yellow.
For my nursing mind, NOT GOOD.
I shared with him what he maybe could expect
in the next few days from the simplest of 
problems to the hardest, the big C of Pancreas....
I am so very glad, as sick as he is, looks like Cancer
is not the culprit. Reggie and I have always
been very close as kids, being the same age.
Time and families have had us loose touch sometimes
but when we do see each other, or talk it is like
no time has passed, yep one of those friendships.
Being one of two children, with his brother not
living here, lots of the burden of his parents are his.
Since this illness he and I have texted much, spoke
a few but for lengthy times.
Now that I have set up this long blog, I will switch
to my Uncle Irby Roy, married to my dad's baby sis,
(who he took in and raised when their parent died when
she was a teenager/young adult) Jeanette.
The words Odd Couple come to mind when I think of them.
Years ago, I wrote a blog following their 50th wedding anniversary
party. it is amazing that their differences find them together
so may years later.  
I can try and explain Uncle Roy as being a walking Church,
a walking Bible. He preaches to anyone who will listen
and anytime in any place. I say this with love
as he brings us many chuckles when we speak of him
and his love of God.
Then my Aunt Jeanie, a cussing sailor, she loves her God,
prays I am sure as much as Uncle Roy but in a different way.
As a younger child,
It has always been fun and interesting to visit as
Uncle Roy walked around teaching about the Bible and Aunt Jeanie
is cussing.... lol I say this as terms of endearment.
There are so many aspects to my childhood revolving around
this couple. When I was fighting cancer, these two took in 
my two siblings closest to my age as their own.
Having been in the hospital for 8 weeks without coming home,
they helped anyway they could and the siblings went from
their home to the home of my sister, Veronica.
My sister, Rosie, one of the siblings who stayed there lots
associates Uncle Roy with learning how to truly pray,
every night, she had written, he had them kneel by their bedside
in his home, and pray for their sickly little sister who may die.
While that sounds scary, MY Uncle Roy believed that
I could be healed from a cancer that was incurable through
good doctors and many prayers. He was right, here I am so many
years later......
Now that he is the sick one, No one deserves more prayers  
than this praying man. So, as I sit here writing this complicated
blog, I also ask that you pray.                                                                    
I could sit here and try to write this experience my Uncle
is going through, knowing that once his God heals him
he will have stories to tell us of possibly seeing Heaven,
Purgatory, or anything else his sick body has his heart and
brain thinking. Yet, I decided to write this blog after receiving
a text from Reggie yesterday, an update on his Dad after having
the scare of his life the night before when he was called
to the hospital because his Dad had taken a turn for the worst,
honestly they believed he was dying!
Yesterday morning I woke up to the most beautiful update
written by my dear cousin. Nothing I could write 
could be more beautiful.  With his permission I transcribe
his most touching text:
MORNING UPDATE;
MY FATHER WAS BASICALLY DYING IN MY ARMS
AT 5PM YESTERDAY.
HOWEVER, (i guess all his praying throughout all these years
paid off), THEY SOMEHOW MIRACUOUSLY REPLACED
THE THREE PINTS OF BLOOD HE LOST SUDDENLY
(in a flash). YESTERDAY WHILE BEING VERY PALE
AND MOANING LOUDLY IN HIS BED WHILE GASPING
FOR AIR, WITH HIS EYES CLOSED AND HEAD
COCKED BACK UP AT THE CEILING.
HOWEVER,  OVERNIGHT THEY FOUND
SOURCES OF HIS INTERNAL BLEEDING,  
HIS SMALL INTESTINE AND ALSO HIS ESOPHAGUS.
THE GREAT NEWS IS HE'S FIGHTING THREE MAJOR
BATTLES AT HIS AGE OF 85. HE STILL HAS HIS 
INFECTION, EXPERIENCING SOME HEART FAILURE
AND LASTLY, HIS LIVER, PANCREAS AND GALLBLADDER
ARE NOT WORKING UP TO SPEED. HE IS STABILIZED
THIS MORNING IN ICU. IT IS MY GIFT THAT MY
DAD IS ALIVE ANOTHER DAY AFTER WITNESSING
HIS QUICKLY DETERIORATING CONDITION
YESTERDAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!
YOU HAVE GIVEN MY FATHER ANOTHER DAY
ON THIS EARTH TO THANK THE GOOD LORD AND
ALLOW HIM TO BE ALIVE AND CONTINUE HIS 
TOUGH JOURNEY! THANK YOU....
THANK YOU!!!!
How beautiful is that? 
Prayers must continue as the table is turned and
instead of Uncle Roy praying for so many,
He needs all our prayers, from all those he has prayed for without
ceasing. My Uncle Roy, he can drive you cray cray
with his knowledge of the Bible, prayer but none
of what he is is for show, he truly loves his God
and believes in him. He walks the talk, doing
all he can to help others, one being all he did for 
our family way back in 1968.
As we all fear what will happen to Aunt Jeanie if
Nonc passes as she depends on him for everything.
Her health is not good, and as much as she fusses at him
we all know she loves him dearly and depends on him for 
everything. God has his plans and as I joked with my dear cousin,
Reggie over this hard week,
"If you Dad makes it out of this, think of the stories we will have
to endure of How he saw Heaven, how beautiful it is,
how we all need to pray, etc. he will have stories to tell
when His God heals him, love you"
my Reggie's response?
"Lololol I hate to laugh but darn, u are right!"
Yes my dear cousin, if you can find a reason to laugh a minute,
it's all good medicine.
Continue to pray for my electic uncle 
as he would do the same and does the same for all.
Pray for my cousins, Jude and especially Reggie who
carries most of the weight because he is closer,
he needs the prayers as well, having been sick himself.
Long road ahead but I believe in the power of prayer
and no one deserves that more than this dear,
Nonc Roy.
Blessings and Peace to all.
 Nonc and Taunt 
 Uncle Roy and Aunt Jeanette at their 50th wedding Anniversary
 Uncle Roy in my childhood home (before I was born) 
when courting my Aunt.
( Reggie and I along with his wife, Vickie and their daughter,
Lauren)

                                                                                                                                                                                                   
                               







                                                                                                                                                        

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

A MILESTONE BETWEEN BABY GRANDGIRL AND MUMSIE

I love and Adore three beautiful girls I call my grand girls.
Three little girls made by my Baby boy and his lovely wife, Kd.
Some say I have favorites, I do not, each of them came to me
at a different time in my life and one day, I will perhaps
write a blog on that, yet this one is about Our sweet Jemma.
Again, with her birth, I am at a different path in my life.
Perhaps I have not spent as much time with her as the other two.
I do remember a time that JoJo struggled with me or anyone
who was not her Mommy or Daddy, but nothing like Sweet Jemma.
The minute she would see me at her home, she would begin
to cry, well more than a cry... More of a rage...
I think she associated me there with her parents leaving.
Coming to my Cottage sometimes was okay, other times,
cried until I felt so badly about her that I had to call for 
back-up. This has bothered me probably more than I let on to.
Having the bond I have with the other two, to have one
not really want me around tore me.
BB thought perhaps, I didn't spend enough time with her,
possibly as being single and being a Mumsie is sometimes
hard to juggle not to mention the little business I have
that keeps me well busy.
Whatever the reason, our relationship was on "eggshell ground".
As an example, let me give you a look in our normal
Mumsie/Sweet Jemma time.
If we are alone and she wakes up, I would have to pick her
up in the dark, bottle in hand, pick her up and turn her
around, put the bottle in her mouth, sit down with her
and she would throw her little palm against my chest
for me to rub her little palm, something I have done with
my children and the other grand girls forever.
A palm plus finger rub is one of the best.
Last night, after having the older grand girls for the night 
before, Kd asked if I could stay with Sweet J while she
brings the other two to night parade.
Yes, let me get in some bonding time.
Right away, she had just woken up, was crying in 
her Mom's arms....
"Oh" I thought.... "this will be rough for her!"
KD calmed her and then handed her to me on the other
recliner and gave me a bottle and a bag of Cheeto's
and they snuck out.... then something changed...
A big change, she didn't cry.
In her defense, this poor child can't seem to catch a break
when it comes to illness and when we sick, who do we 
want but our own parents, shoot I am 53, and when I am sick,
I still want my Daddy!
Last night, she was feeling good and scaring down some 
Chee-to's, the chips emptied and we began to play.
she looked at me, she smiled at me, she LOL'd with me.
I chased her around and she ran away from me laughing,
I took her lead and went with it...
I bathed her, she loves that, we took our time,
I played with her and I saw such a happy little baby
and I was ecstatic. No sooner out the tub, she grabbed
for a Dr. Pepper on the table and brought it down
all over her face and clean shirt and the floor,
she cried a bit, I didn't fuss, instead I began to laugh...
hard... there she was sitting in the middle of
a pool of Soda with some dripping from her long
eyelashes, her blonde curls, and her PJ shirt.
A funny site, should have grabbed the camera....
When she heard me laughing, she stopped crying
and just stared at me, perhaps that was the moment
she realized I really am a fun Mumsie.
I cleaned her up yet again, we put on Frozen for the
third time (I don't know how to work their tv so Frozen it was)
and when the song, LET IT GO
began, I started singing and motioning with my hands,
she stopped watching the TV to stare at me.
Again something happened inside of our Sweet Jemma.
After I finished, instead of going back to what she
was playing she came up to me and climbed in my lap,
put her little arms around my neck,
Love from the Sweet Jemma.
She then let me sit with her on the recliner,
to rock her without any technology or snacks in my hand,
just her and I. I captured part of that on video, put
it on Instagram because it has been such a special moment
for us. I awaken this morning, with my thoughts on her.
I believe our relationship has changed now,
thanks to a night time parade in the town of Plaquemine!
( Posted one day after written)

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

My Mother, my Momma, their Mommee

Yesterday morning I awaken to my Facebook memory being
this photo of Mom at the Manor and us visiting.
She had just gotten out of the hospital and we knew her days
with us were coming to an end. I wanted this picture badly as
I knew it may be one of the last I would have of her with
my BB, also her "baby boy" and our Jilly.
I see her hand, so thin and small on Jilly's leg and
although dementia had set in to her most beautiful self,
she managed to show her love even more so at those times.
I could say this picture gives me sadness, yet it does not.
It is more melancholy...
This woman left us with so many good things,
so many cliche's that we still use.
Such as, when looking in a mirror, saying,
"Oh, well... you can''t improve perfection."
We lost parts of her when dementia came to her world,
so the Momma we grew up with had gotten mellow
and more like our child, I missed having my Mom
even though she could drive us crazy with her
opinionated self, but anything us kids needed,
if she could, it was her who helped.
I was privileged to have her live with us while
my children were growing up.
Their Dad worked away so much, my babies were
so lucky to have someone home every day when they came home.
If I was at work, she made sure she was home for 3pm, and 
had snacks, salads, whatever they wanted that day.
She was not always easy to live with, I repeat,
but the bond my babies had with their maternal grandmother
was special. She loved all her grandchildren and was so 
proud of each of them, yet I know my two, because
she was with them every day, they were closer
perhaps than some of the others.
As I grow older, and my children can tease me sometimes
even when they don't realize that some of those things 
hurt me. What I wish for the future?
That my two babies treat me, as I age,
the way they treated their Mommee.
They didn't just love her, they adored her
and I will always, always be thankful for all she did
for us all. I want to leave this text with a story
of what kind of Mother she was to me even as an adult.
BB lost our neighbor he was very close to.
It affected us all because the young adult, having
watch him grow, had a really rough life. He took the
time with a little pesky boy who lived across the street,
so he was close to BB. When we first found out about
his death, BB had company and I was surprised that he didn't
seem to be very upset. I knew this was odd as BB is was
very emotional at that time. That night, he wrote the most
beautiful letter to our Nic and asked that I give it to him.
"Baby, Nic died, I can't give him this"
and it hit him, and he cried.... and cried, and cried,
he stayed in my arms in my bedroom while I hugged him 
and he wet my shoulder with all the tears that passed.
I tucked him in once he was over and I went into my
own Mommas room, she was sitting on her recliner,
I knelled down in front of her bawling like a baby,
I put my head in her lap, and she rubbed my hair
and was quiet as I cried. When I could speak,
I said, "Momma, tell me I am handling this right,        
Tell me I am a good Mother... I don't know what to do"
she held my face in her hands and said,
"Lilly, you are a wonderful Mother and you have handled
this situation better than I ever would have,"
This spoke volumes to me. Once again for that half hour,
she was my Mommy, I her baby girl.
I will never forget that special night.
I was a very lucky child!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

        






Thursday, February 16, 2017

....THOSE THREE WORDS...

I have met someone, 
someone who I really like a lot.
Not sure where this will go and I am not
ready to see past one day at a time at this point,
so I am going to leave that explanation as that.
When we first started texting and talking,
we talked about lots of things...well I did because
you guys know I have diarrhea of the mouth.
Because we have different tastes in music it was one
of the things we spoke of.
About two weeks ago, I asked if he had ever heard
of the band Snow Patrol and their song CHASING CARS.
I had heard it while driving to play with the Grand Girls
and it reminded me of just how much I love it,
how much it says in just a few verses.
"No, I don't think I have."
I send him the words then challenge him to listen
to the song. I am not sure if he liked it right at first.
"Kind of mellow" he said.
I insisted he listen to the words,
then I sang him a part of it to his voice mail.
"...THESE THREE WORDS,
ARE SAID TOO MUCH,
THEY'RE NOT ENOUGH...."
And I think he becomes a fan of the song.
THESE THREE WORDS becomes our little motto.
We discuss a sign I am making, big and wood,
and I ask his input one what I should put on it.
We decided it would be so cool to put
THESE THREE WORDS
on the sign, it would be known by all exactly what
it meant and it would be a different way of saying 
I LOVE YOU without actually saying them.
I am sold on the idea, it will be the sign.
Then he asks if I want this beautiful screened wall divider.
YES!!!! of course I do, I can do so much of it.
He suggests a trade, the divider for the sign...
and now the sign has become more for me,
personal, we end each letter with that saying.
Honestly I am struggling with making it something
that he will love. Because he has also, fell in love with
the song, and the saying, it means more than just a sign
I am making to hopefully sell.
Valentines Day was approaching, I was hoping he would
ask me out for such a special day.
I make Banana nut bread, and a card and end it with 
these three words,
he does the same.
It was not Valentines Day yet,
we had contemplated, because he was working until 6 and
lives and hour away to just stay in and do take out
and a movie perhaps.
But there is something about Valentines Day 
and wanting to get dressed up nicely and see others
sharing their Valentines Day.
We settle on Portabello's which we both enjoy.
We are sitting there, in the darkened Portabello's
a candle at our table,  music is on low, waitress is also
speaking low, ambiance for my new found date.
Why is all of this long, story so important?
Before two weeks ago,
this man had never heard of SNOW PATROL
much less Chasing Cars.
Because he now has heard it a number of times,
knowing it is one of my favorites,
because I have sung it to him on voicemail,
because I had sang parts of it to him in person.
We began to call it "our song".
Back to Valentine's Day...
We are enjoying our meal, we are enjoying each others
company and there on the radio....
"If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me
and just forget the world..."
My reaction had to be priceless as my eyes opened wide,
my mouth open, and I pointed up to the speakers.
His was just as surprised.
We are quiet the whole time, well except
for me singing the whole song right there to him
in a restaurant that is fast becoming one of our faves.
You just can't make this thing up.
The song that came out in 2006, eleven years before
was playing right at the time we are sitting there.
So now we contemplate:
Coincidence, sign?
We don't know but I know this,
nothing could have made this night better except the fact
that this is now definitely OUR SONG 
and the one sentence that had already become ours
...THOSE THREE WORDS...
is now more special than ever....
Don't know where this relationship is going but
I know this, I will never hear this song,
listen to these words without bringing
memories of Valentine's Day 2017
Thank you, Snow Patrol, thank you, RL

Monday, February 13, 2017

13 YEARS LATER.....

Addiction... a nasty word, never associated with anything good
that I have found in my life.
Except of course, if it is added with recovery.
On February 9th my baby boy celebrated 13 years of
sobriety from drugs and alcohol.
If you have loved someone who suffered or have been
someone who has suffered from addiction you 
understand what a hard thing this is to do
and why it should be celebrated.
Our family has learned, personally that it does not
matter how many years of sobriety you may have,
you are always just one drink, one joint, one pill
from going back to the hell addiction is.
Today I want to incorporate my Motherly feelings
with my love of journaling.
I have journaled, well forever.
Without journaling, blogging, I don't know where
I would be. I always go back to a certain journal
entry I made when I thought I was going to 
bury my 18 year old child from this dreaded disease.
I have read it at many motivational speeches
but I have never published it.
Today that changes as it will hopefully help someone
out there, it will show the love a Mother has for her
very sick child, and for me, it shows how far he/ I have
come from that day.
It was written before sobriety, a few weeks before 
baby boy reached out for treatment:
I copy it here with all its imperfections, I would add
the tear stains on the page if I could.....
1/23/04
MY SON IS EXTREMELY ILL FROM DRUG ADDICTION.
WE'VE BEEN THIS ROAD BEFORE, JUST WHEN
MY HEART WANTS TO BELIEVE HE IS DOING
A LITTLE BETTER AND I CAN BREATHE AND
SLEEP AGAIN, I GET THAT PHONE CALL.
HE HAS HAD A BAD WEEKEND ON A DRUG BINGE.
A SEIZURE  ON FRIDAY NIGHT FROM HIS DRUG USE.
OF COURSE I GET THE PHONE CALL ON THE SUNDAY
WHEN HE IS ALMOST SOBER AND VERY REMORSEFUL.
HE HAS NOT YET BEEN IN TROUBLE EXCEPT FOR
HIS PHYSICAL HEALTH. NO WRECKS, NO FIRING
OF HIS JOB, NO LATE PAYMENTS, NO TROUBLE WITH
THE LAW. THEREFORE, I KNOW HE PROBABLY HAS
NOT HIT HIS BOTTOM. MY FEAR IS HIS BOTTOM WILL
BE DEATH AND I AM NOT READY TO ACCEPT THAT.
I TRY SHARING WITH HIM HOW AT A LOSS I AM
TO HELP HIM AND HOW VERY WORRIED I AM.
LOTS OF TIMES THIS IS SHARED WITH TEARS.
SOME TIMES HE GETS VERY DEFENSIVE.
HE HAS BEEN SOBER NOW SINCE SUNDAY, 
GOING BACK TO HIS AA MEETINGS AND
TRYING TO WORK SOME KIND OF PROGRAM
TO SOBRIETY. HE AND HIS DAD HAD AN 
ARGUMENT YESTERDAY WHERE IT ENDED
WITH HANGING UP ON HIM. RONNIE'S HAVING
A ROUGH TIE AND FOR WHATEVER REASON,
HE THINKS HE CAN BULLY HIM INTO TREATMENT.
ROD'S TOO OLD FOR THAT NOW. HE IS 18
AND BECAUSE OF OUR TOUGH LOVE BELIEFS
WE HAVE HAD TO LET HIM BE ON HIS OWN...
...I KNOW RON DOES THIS BECAUSE HE TOO IS 
SUFFERING, SUFFERING FROM A BROKEN HEART
AND DEALING WITH SOME QUILT ABOUT PERHAPS
GENETICALLY HAVING GIVEN THIS DISEASE TO OUR SON,
DEALING WITH NOT KNOWING WHAT HE CAN
DO TO HELP HIM.
I TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS TO RODDIE AND HE 
FUSSES ME SAYING, "DAD, OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD
UNDERSTAND, SINCE HE HAS THE SAME DISEASE."
HE IS ANGRY AND I START TO CRY AND THIS IS
ONLY MAKING HIM MORE IRRITATED,
WHEN FINALLY I ASK HIM,
"WHAT HAVE I DONE THAT MAKES YOU SO ANGRY"
FINALLY HE BREAKS DOWN LIKE MY
LITTLE BOY. WHEN HE WAS SO YOUNG, 
MY SENSITIVE CHILD. I GIVE HIM TIME
AND FINALLY HE CAN CATCH HIS BREATH AND SHARE,
"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE HURT
YOU ALL? I DON'T NEED TO BE REMINDED EVERY DAY 
HOW MUCH I HAVE DISAPPOINTED YOU AND DAD
AND ESPECIALLY JESI. IT KILLS ME TO KNOW
HOW MUCH YOU ALL ARE ALL HURTING AND I AM
TRYING MY BEST TO WORK THIS OUT
AND Y'ALL REMINDING ME DOESN'T HELP."
I UNDERSTAND, I THINK, WHAT HE IS TRYING
TO SAY: BEGGING HIM TO CHANGE HIS LIFE,
PLEADING WITH HIM TO FIGHT AND LIVE IS
NO BETTER FOR HIM THAN RONNIE'S THREATS.
I TRY TO EXPLAIN THAT WE WISH WE COULD HELP
BUT HE IS STILL CRYING SO MUCH THAT I CAN'T 
MAKE OUT WHAT HE IS SAYING.
FINALLY HE GETS IT OUT,
"DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T DESERVE
PARENTS LIKE YOU ALL???"
OH MY! I ASK FORGIVENESS FOR PUTTING
MORE PRESSURE ON HIM AND REASSURE HIM
THAT HE DOES DESERVE US, THAT I AM HIS
MOTHER, WE ARE HIS FAMILY AND ALTHOUGH
I CAN'T AND WON'T MAKE IT EASIER FOR HIM, 
THERE IS NOTHING HE WILL EVER DO THAT WILL
CAUSE ME TO TURN MY BACK ON HIM.
WHAT I HAVE FOR HIM IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE CHANGED
BY ANGER, FEAR, OR ILLNESS.
WE ARE FINALLY ABLE TO HANG UP.
.... AND I CRY, I CRY MY HEART OUT. 
I CRY FOR THE LITTLE BOY WHO WAS SUCH A
MODEL CHILD UNTIL THE DEVIL OF ADDICTION
TOOK HIM FROM ME.
THE THREE YEAR OLD WHO SAID TO ME SO OFTEN,
"I NEED SOME LOVING"
WHICH MEANT HE NEEDED HUGGING AND KISSES.
THE BOY WHO CALLED HIS DAD "DEDA" UNTIL
HE STARTED SCHOOL AND FOUND OUT THAT
JUST WASN'T COOL. THE BOY WHO COULD ALWAYS
MAKE US LAUGH, THE BOY WHO CRIED FOR 
MONTHS, THEN YEARS AFTER HIS FAVORITE
UNCLE DIED AND STILL HAS HIS PICTURE AT HIS
BEDSIDE TODAY. THE TEENAGER WHO ALWAYS
WOULD TAKE TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE
HIS YOUNGER SISTER, COUSINS, EVEN PLAYING WITH THEM.
THE BOY WHO WROTE A LOVE LETTER TO THE
NEIGHBORHOOD YOUNG ADULT AFTER HIS 
DEATH AND CRIED IN MY ARMS FOR
HOURS, FOR THE COMFORT THESE ARMS
COULD PROVIDE HIM THEN.
I WISH I COULD LET GO AND LET GOD. I WISH
I COULD STOP ALL THESE TEARS FROM FLOWING.
I WISH JESI DIDN'T HAVE TO SEE HOW SAD I
AM AND THAT A PART OF ME IS DYING,
THAT SHE DID NOT HAVE TO LOOSE HER BROTHER
AND HER MOTHER ALL AT ONCE.
I WANT TO STOP THIS...
BUT ALL THESE MEMORIES ARE LIKE A MOVIE
CAMERA IN MY MIND AND MY HEART AND THEY
COME BACK TO ME, ROD'S GROWING UP YEARS. 
IT STARTS WHEN I LEAST EXPECT THEM AND
I CAN'T STOP THIS OVERWHELMING SINCE OF LOSS
FOR WHAT HE MAY NEVER BE AGAIN AND THE
FEAR THAT ENVELOPES ME AT TIMES WHEN
I THINK I'LL BE OKAY.
THE NIGHTMARES THAT CROWD MY SLEEP,
THAT WAKE ME UP TO REMIND ME HE
HASN'T DIED YET, HE IS STILL ALIVE,
VERY ILL BUT ALIVE....
Phew, long and exhausting.
Tears always, each time I read this.
Yet, if one person, from watching my son
and his sobriety over the last 13 years can
be helped, if one Mother, father, loved one
can read this and shake their head in awe,
"Yes, that is exactly how I feel"
then the sharing of this very old journal entry is worth it
all.
Congrats Roddie, Baby boy, on all you have accomplished
through the life of sobriety.
Always, always proud to be your Mommy
"I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER,
I'LL LIKE YOU FOR ALWAYS,
AS LONG AS I'M LIVING 
MY BABY YOU'LL BE!"
 siblings forever, Jesi and Rod
 BB wedding day
 all grown up and sober!
 Engagement pic, katie, the love of his life...
 My three year old, BB, Sealy still exists...

closest siblings back in the day....
                                    

SHE IS SIX

She is six now and so much has changed. She is in school now, so our sleepovers have been cut down a bit and usually when she comes her...