THE END OF SEPTEMBER...

The end of September means also

the end of CHILDHOOD CANCER MONTH.

Being one of the very few who survived 

this dreadful disease in the 60's at the age of 5,

means this month is part of my life at the age of 56.

Of course, I have seen the Sunday informercials 

from St. Jude, have seen the short stories of the same

tv specials, but I always felt removed from it,

not part of that gang.

Then I began working on this book that

one day, I will publish. Gathering information about myself,

gathering information on how treatments have changed,

how the survival rate has grown.

My empathy has changed me.

Now when I watch or study about childhood cancer,

remember my visits to Vanderbilt University Hospital,

I am reminded, I am those children.

This weekend, I had the grand girls and I thought,

"I was Jolee's age" 

when I was diagnosed,

"A little older than Jemma..."

The fact is, I suffered through those treatments that

saved my life. Many of the things I face now, medically 

speaking are from those things that were given to me then.

Yet, I have no bitterness. I am alive, I live, I hope

I give back...

These babies I see are still part of Cancer,

we have not rid this world of Childhood Cancer.

So, I say to any parents out there who are watching 

their little babies suffer through chemo and radiation,

prepare for their survival and the long term issues they may have,

Be patient, your little child has changed.

Yes, they have been through things no little child should 

ever have to face. 

But, they have also become more,

they have become the hope to others out there who will

face the Big C. Their hearts have been changed, their

thoughts on life have been changed.

It is so very hard to believe, they have become better

because of what they have overcome.

They will share their stories and change people views.

For those sweet babies that are not as fortunate as I,

those who have succumbed to the dreaded big C,

treatments used will become better because of their

and their family's bravery.

Their bravery throughout their battle will be remembered 

by so many of all ages.

It is never easy to write or speak of childhood cancer.

I find it harder to add to my book not when I learn of

the things I faced but when I see the suffering of another family.

I say, I hope when these families hear, read my story,

they will know they belong to an elite group

a group that must continue to carry that torch of 

hope and survival for so many who come after us.

I hope when you think of me,

IT IS THIS YOU SEE.

Hope, love, empathy, survival, Life.

BARKER HOME

About four months ago, I was asked by

a young woman to paint her grandparents home for

herself, her twin sister, and her GodMother who was also her

aunt. Finally the time had come for me to do this order.

I contacted Kristen Barker Blanchard and asked if 

she was still interested. She was and that began her pouring

memories out to me to make her paintings special.

I drove by the home and took photos of the home 

as I like to do as it gives me a feel of the home.

It was a traditional brick home with a beautiful

brick fence surrounding it, It may not have been special

to many but the fact that the home was built in 1963 said

lots to me about the home. No one built or could even afford

a home such as this in the 60's. I became intrigued and 

Kristen began with the memories. She was disappointed

in the photos I took as she said her Grandparents who have both

passed always had the most beautiful yard.

I reminded her that the good thing about the home portraits,

I could make them look nice. 

With the help of her Dad, her Nannie and herself, she

began telling me about the home. 

What was planted in the flower beds, what was important.

My original sketch did not include the brick fence.

Then Kristen spoke of how proud her Grandfather was 

to have that brick fence surrounding his home.

I added a piece to each end.

Finally three portraits of the special home was painted

and awaiting pick-up.

What I love most about what I do is learning and then

meeting the clients I work with who then become my friends.

Each one has become a friend if they were not already that.

Kristen came over and OMG, it was like meeting a younger 

version of myself. We began talking, I gave her the tour

of the cottage, told her stories of things in my home.

We both had so much to say and each conversation

had so much in common. I knew this young woman

would remain in my life.

I thanked her for the most beautiful writing she 

added to facebook with her paintings.

She spoke of her twin sister, Kayla and how much 

I reminded her of her sister, how she wanted my to meet her

Mom.... It went on and we had an instant bond.

I kept feeling like I had met her before, I chalked

it up to all the texts we had shared over two weeks.

Then her twin sister, Kayla requested a friend of Facebook.

She reminded me we had met at jury duty and had a long

conversation while waiting for the duty to begin.

Then it all came back to me, I had met this girl before

and it was in that meeting that had me feeling I 

knew Kristen. Yes, I love what I do.

I don't just paint, I suspend memories for people and

then these people become part of me.

Kristen and her sister, Kayla are two of those

new people to my village. 

Kristen, thank you so much for entrusting me

with such wonderful memories. I am so very glad

I could make this dream for you a reality.

Growing up is not always easy but I pray

that each time you all see this portrait you are

transported to that little girl you once were 

when memories in this home were made.

Love to the Barkers!

SOMETIMES YOU LOOSE YOUR MOMMA BEFORE HER LAST BREATH

While streaming Facebook, I come across this beautiful writing.

I have many thoughts surrounding this paragraph.

The one more prominent is that 

I miss my Momma.

Like I miss her lots, not in the way that it makes me want

to cry or anything, more a melancholy type feeling.

As I read the paragraph, I realized that although

I wanted to always live by those words, the fact

is I am human and there were times I lost my patience with her.

Mostly before I realized dementia was settling in to take

the Momma I knew away from us.

When she forgot things, when she misplaced money,

when she lived with us and it was a struggle sometimes

when raising my own children and she was there to 

go against what we had decided was best for the kids.

I was thankful that the years she lived with us,

my two kiddo's always had someone home waiting for them.

She not only waited for them, but she had a snack ready

and supper cooked. My children have been blessed 

with so many good memories of my Momma, their Mommee.

I hope the times I lost my patience with her are not

what they remember because I really wanted to be so kind to her.

When we moved to Thibodaux, she decided not to come with us.

Instead, rented herself a small studio apartment on the bayou.

I knew we would miss her but I also knew that what was

best for my family was for us to leave the bayou.

She was healthy and happy and clear minded on the days

she moved into her apartment. 

When I would go spend the night with her, we always ended

with reading and talking about something we had read.

She hid the beginning of her dementia well,

because I didn't see her every day, I didn't see

the change in her behavior, I would sometimes still 

loose my patience as she kept asking same questions all the time.

Then, one day everything changed for me.

I had given her an awesome book to read.

She began it the same day I gave it to her.

The next morning I was happy to see her bookmark a few 

pages into the book.

I asked her how she liked it.

"Oh its so good, I can't put it down"

then the next time I visited.......

the bookmark remained in the same place.

I questioned her about it and she said,

Oh I am reading it again. 

That day I realized she could no longer remember what she read.

She could still read, just could not retain.

Each time I visited either at her apartment or at St. Joseph Manor

once she moved, the same book remained on her nightstand.

the bookmark never left page 10.

I began to see her as more like a child to me and just like

that my impatience with her was gone.

Yes, I still would get irritated sometimes but I kept it to

myself making sure she would never see or feel like a burden to me.

Although she died at 92, many years after I removed

the book from her nightstand because it hurt me each time

I saw the bookmark remain on page 10,

I treated her like a child of mine.

I lost my Mother, the caregiver, the unconditional lover of us all,

long before she took her last breath.

Love your parents as the natural order of life will 

have you burying your parents one day, its the way

 this life is intended to be.

Right now just love them.

You will miss them when they are gone.

(look at the hand in the clouds)

CONCERT OF CARS

The article reads:

LEAD SINGER OF THE CARS DIES AT AGE OF 75.

I am immediately thrown back into memories of 1980.

A Junior in high school when my besties and I heard this

band for the first time.

I had to buy the cassette tape right away and listen,

memorize ever word to every song.

Then, THEN...

A concert coming to our area??

My thoughts,

"Who will want to come?"

" My Momma and Daddy will never let me go!"

"Do I own a Bic lighter for the lights part of a concert?"

"Is this an excused absence?"

I go forth to the besties and we begin to devise a plan.

My Parentals are not only letting me go, on a school night,

but letting me drive AND stay in a hotel.

Oh what a different world it is today..

I don't remember being the one to drive.

I do remember that along with Ann and Laurie, besties,

Tina, Ann's sister and Ellen a mutual friend of ours was

also with us. We went and booked ourselves into a hotel...

We felt so grown up! 

Then we found out we were staying in the same hotel as 

the band members. I just knew if they got one glimpse of

us girls they would fall madly in love with us,

invite us on stage, Well this was MY fantasy, not sure

of anyone else's.

We roamed those halls, in the days before security camera's 

everywhere. We listened at random doors to see 

if we could hear loud band member noises,

to on avail. However, it was a big deal to us when we walked

out of the hotel to go to the concert,

there was their tour bus! Tinted windows did not stop me,

the weirdest of the bunch to wave like a lunatic 

"Just in case they were watching"

Ahhhh the innocence of teen hood.

I can't remember how far we were from the stands,

I don't remember where it was, I don't remember if we

drank cheap draft beer (drinking law then was 18 and two

of the gang were 18).

I do remember we had our Pics and we used them wisely.

 that we sang and danced and knew every word

to every song. It was the only cassette I owned of theirs

so it was a good thing those are the songs they sang.

I would say, for me they were a one album wonder.

After the concert, I moved on to bigger and better bands

but this season of the Cars brings back so many memories.

Now for the last paragraph...

The deal with my parents were I had to go to school the 

day following the concert. I was tired, I tried to get them

to change their minds, to no avail.

I got into the drivers seat to pick up my carpool, 

two being the besties. We flagged down the Dufrene's bakery

bread man and pulled us off each a piece of that

hot, soft french bread. We drove to a place we called the 

mini mall as it had a bunch of little shops that had closed

down. I don't know why we were there, if we were picking 

someone up or just enjoying our french bread,

but I got into my first accident.

Well, unless you count the time I backed the orange Pinto

into our neighbors truck in our street as he was under

it fixing something while his car was on jacks.

Yeah, that happened, another blog entry.

Anyhoo.... a lady drove right into my path.

Yes, she was on the street and I was in a parking lot

getting ready to enter the street but after all,

who does not see a 1979 Cat Shit green Impala?

So, the Cars concert ended with a Car smash up for me.

Daddy met us there, made sure we were all okay,

exchanged information with the other driver.

I thought, well at least now I can go home and

sleep. No such luck, Dad said a deal is a deal,

followed the car with little damage to good old

South Lafourche High School and 

signed us in as tardy.

A deal is a deal, ya know?

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

There are two things, well two times I look forward to every day.

One is when I decide it is time to clean the brushes, close up the studio

and go to bed. Not to sleep but to read, watch You Tube,

write or journal. It is a quiet time for me.

It is also a time for reflection.

Yesterday, my great niece posted something on FaceBook:

WHEN YOUR HEAD HITS THE PILLOW TONIGHT, 

REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU

HAVE DONE A GOOD JOB.

BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF, AND

REMEMBER THAT BIG THINGS ARE ACHIEVED

NOT ALL AT ONCE, BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Wow, my great niece, found a definition for what I do nightly,

reflection.

A clear head and heart to begin the very next day like

rubbing an eraser on those old green chalkboards.

Not to make the same mistakes but to take those things

you may have done wrong or could have done better,

store them somewhere and learn from them.

BUT

Don't let the days of old weigh you down,

start each day as your would reboot your computer,

a fresh start.

My second favorite time of the day is my mornings.

I love sleeping in my bed that my daughter in law, delainey

calls  "the real cloud" but by 4:30/5:00

I am itching to get out of bed.

I have a coffee addiction. It is the first thing

I think of when my eyes open.

I love waking before others, to a dark outside

and the smell of my coffee brewing.

I take my sweet cup of brew, to sit on 

recliner heat pad in place and open up

this here MacBook and see what is happening with my 

friends in the cyber world. It's a time where I 

begin to form some type of blog or writing 

on a topic I either was a witness to or something

that is just in my head, clogging it until I get it

down somewhere.

I can't tell you just how much these quiet early mornings

mean to me.

These two things in my life keep me happy and

trying to be the best of me I can be.

I falter, we all do. Well except for Jesus as Jolee

points out to anyone who says someone is not perfect....

that is a whole blog in itself.

Find those things in your life that you look forward

to in your life and see them for what they are,

the things that keep your inner clock ticking....

"One Day at a Time"

Thanks Ange' for the inspiration for this blog.

Following the Bus...

First let me just say here,

I miss blogging, there was a time where I blogged every morning.

Then divorce, grand girls, art business, retirement, dating

came and I got out of the habit. 

This is my attempt at trying to add that to my life once again.

With that being said, I always have something to say

so may as well share my thoughts....

Yesterday after school, I headed to spend some time

with the grand girls. I found myself following a 

big yellow school bus. 

Now for some, this would be a problem,

a hold-up. For me, I have always enjoyed

following a school bus in the afternoon.

I get pleasure from watching children get off the bus.

I like seeing how they interact with the person/people

that is awaiting their arrival home.

Yesterday I take my time.

I know when our little grand girls get off the bus,

most days there is someone out there awaiting

their arrival, awaiting running towards who ever that is

and getting hugs, smiles and kisses.

Yesterday I remembered... Not everyone gets this.

This post is sparked by one little child in particular.

I do not know her or her family but she could be

many children.

She is about 5 or 6, Looks like she is JoJo's age.

Her uniform is disheveled from having 

to be in school and then a hot bus all day.

I bet if I looked at her little uniform shirt,

I would probably see tomato sauce somewhere

depending on what what was on her lunch tray.

She has such a big smile on her face, her book sac

hanging on one shoulder.

I see two adults on the porch and my first thought is:

"Awe good, she has someone waiting for her,

to greet her home, to say they missed her"

She is running up the stairs and I see that

one of the adults is a man about my age,

perhaps a grandfather, with a brown paper bag 

around a can he is drinking from, a cigarette in his hand.

He is speaking to a woman about his age.

This imp of a child runs up the porch, faces these

two..... and....

nothing, no hugs, no kisses, no conversations

including her. They don't look at her or even acknowledge

her presence. It stays with me a long time.

It has me remembering when I would come home each day

from school, not being able to wait to see my Daddy.

He or Momma was always waiting for us, always

asking about our day. Had our favorite snacks

and whatever we wanted for supper, simmering

in our big kitchen.

In the winter, I could not wait to get into my pj's and

read, paint, make a puzzle that was always there under

our kitchen tablecloth. Daddy was there, present,

long after the bus dropped us off.

I wish for all children, that someone is always 

happy to see them after a long day at school.

I know that our grandgirls will get this for a long 

time to come. 

A FUN DAY CELEBRATING BIRTHDAYS

When your life goes a little "topsy turvy" 

and things happen out of your control,

it takes a little while to get your bearings.

Then your baby grand girl has a birthday party 

and in all her unique and beautiful ways,

she makes you realize what truly is important in this life.

"This is the best birthday ever!"

... and for our little sweet girl, it was.

For us who love her, it was.

She was so excited, so appreciative of all her friends,

family and Barbie things....lol

All kidding aside, this child is such a blessing to all

our spirits. 

Because of this party, I had the privilege of having

my niece, Tiffany and sister, C spend the night.

Tif's bday is on the 4th so we decided we needed to 

celebrate that. Without their company I would not

have gone anywhere. As social as I am, I tend to want

to stay at the Cottage when alone. I like my own

company a little too much. So back to the story...

Jemma's party ended at 2, and as the day goes

on I think I just want to stay home.

Then supper comes and with that comes hunger.

We decide on Portabello's and celebrate Tiffy's bday.

"We need to go watch LSU"

So we went to Beer Belly's and there 

we had the best time. Watching the game,

a live band to dance to.

Twas much needed for all three of us!

... and just how Jemma said Tiffany agrees:

"Twas the best birthday ever"