Happy Birthday, Mom

Today would be my Momma's 101st birthday.

If I were a child again, 

it would also be the day my Daddy went out and bought

our live Christmas tree that we would decorate after

supper and birthday cake.

Dad would untangle the lights, fussing my Mom for

not putting them up correctly the year before and

nailing a string from the tree to the wall to keep the tree

from being crooked.

That was his part, lights and straight, and he was done.

Then Momma would put on Christmas music, pull out her

old Ornaments and reminisce as she handed us all her old glass bulbs

to decorate the tree. 

She would go to another place sometimes on these said nights

and at the time I did not understand it.

Yet this year as I and the grandgirls removed things from my attic

to decorate my own tree I understood.

There is my box of ornaments was the bear with Roddie's picture

in it that he made in first grade and Jesi's popsicle stick Santa

hat that had her own photo in it. 

The styrofoam ball with three little branches coming out of it

that every year I lovingly put on my tree, still not knowing

exactly what it is. There were many others that just sparked a memory

Jesi also had a little nostalgic look at the tree when she visited.

Telling D to look at that "One on the bottom branch"

and walking in the studio with two small ornaments she chose as a child.

We laughed about the ball with the sticks and even she does not

remember what it was supposed to be.

In the library, she saw a wooden display she painted when she was

a child and said,  "I can't believe you still have this."

Of course I do, My momma taught me long ago that one day

these simple Christmas decorations would be the same I 

treasured as I got older.

My momma, the things she taught us when she said nothing at all.

Happy Birthday dear woman, I hope you and Simone have been reunited

by now and you gals are waiting for Dad to untangle those darn lights

so you can begin your part of the tradition.

 

THE ADDRESS BOOK

 IT WAS TIME FOR A NEW ADDRESS BOOK.

I HAVE BEEN USING THE SAME CHRISTMAS ONE FOR OVER 7 YEARS

AND THERE HAVE BEEN JUST SO MANY CHANGES.

FINDING AN ADDRESS BOOK IN THIS WORLD FILLED WITH TECHNOLOGY

IS A TASK.

I COULD ONLY FIND ONE AT BARNES AND NOBLE AND

NONE AT HOBBY LOBBY AND A FEW OTHER PLACES.

I KNOW I COULD HAVE GOTTEN ONLINE, USED MY

AMAZON PRIME AND GOTTEN IT THE VERY NEXT DAY

BUT FOR SOME REASON, I WAS NOT INTO DELAYED GRATIFICATION

AND I WANTED IT YESTERDAY.

I SETTLED ON THE PINK FLORAL ONE, WITH NO CHOICES

TO CHOOSE FROM.

THIS TASK GOT ME THINKING TO THE OLDER GENERATION

AND HOW HARD IT MUST BE FOR THEM IF THEY HAVE

NOT LEARNED TECHNOLOGY.

WHERE KEEPING IN TOUCH MEANT OPENING UP THE OLD

ADDRESS BOOK AND HAND WRITING THAT ADDRESS ON AN ENVELOPE.

PUTTING A STAMP ON IT, AND PLACING IT OUTSIDE FOR THE MAIL PERSON

TO PICK UP AND TRUSTING THAT IT WOULD GET WHERE 

THEY SENT IT. 

IN AN AGE WHEN PEOPLE ARE LIVING LONGER THAN EVER

AND TECHNOLOGY HAS GROWN TREMENDOUSLY

SNAIL MAIL MUST EXIST. 

IT GOT MY MIND THINKING HOW FORTUNATE I AM 

THAT I WAS YOUNG ENOUGH TO LEARN THE COMPUTER BEFORE

IT BECAME THE MEANS OF COMMUNICATION.

YET WHEN IT COMES TO MY ADDRESS BOOK, 

I KEEP IT THE OLD FASHIONED WAY, JUST AS MY MOTHER DID

IN HER LONG PINK ADDRESS BOOK,

SCRATCHING OUT THOSE THAT CHANGE OVER THE YEARS.

THERE IS STILL SUCH NOSTALGIA IN GETTING A LETTER

OR CARD IN THE MAIL THAT JUST MELTS ME

SO I KNOW THOSE WHO ARE NOT TECH SAVY MUST 

THRIVE FOR THE HANDWRITTEN LETTER.

I WILL CONTINUE TO MAKE HOME MADE CARDS AND

ADD MY PENMANSHIP TO EACH ONE I SEND.

WHEN GOING THROUGH THINGS MY MOTHER SAVED,

IT IS THOSE HANDWRITTEN LETTERS THAT WERE HER TREASURES.

SOME THINGS ARE MEANT TO STAY THE SAME.

GRAND GIRLS AGAIN...

 THIS IS GOING TO BE JUST A RANDOM BLOG ABOUT THE GRANDGIRLS.

TRIGGER WARNING!

ITS FILLED WITH MUSHY STUFF!

MYSELF AND THOSE GIRLS... WELL WE JUST DON'T,

ALL FOUR OF US TOGETHER HANG OUT AS MUCH AS BEFORE.

MY ART BUSINESS AND THEIR BUSY SCHEDULES

ARE A MAIN REASON IT DOES NOT HAPPEN.

ANOTHER REASON IS ON FRIDAYS, THEY TAKE TURNS

COMING TO THE COTTAGE TO GET SOME ONE ON ONE TIME WITH MUMSIE.

THE FRIDAYS ARE THEIRS FOR WHATEVER THEY WANT TO DO.

SO IT WAS A RARE OCCASION, WHEN TUESDAY, I HAD THEM

OVER FOR THE NIGHT TO HELP ME DECORATE FOR CHRISTMAS ON WEDNESDAY.

WE PLAYED IN THEIR ROOM, JEMMA AND I,  BARBIES,

JILLIAN AND JOLEE WITH MY PHONE MAKING VIDEOS.

WE DISCUSSED GETTING RID OF THE TRIPLE BUNK BEDS

AS THEY WON'T SLEEP IN THEM AND ALL THREE WERE NOT FOR IT.

THE NEXT DAY THEY WERE ALL ABOUT THOSE BUNKS

EVEN THOUGH THEY ALL SLEPT WITH ME IN MY BED.

THEY KNEW THE BUNKS WERE ON THE LINE AND THEY HAD TO

MAKE THEM IMPORTANT AGAIN. 

THEY DECORATED THEM FOR CHRISTMAS,

JILLY HAD ME TACK UP A SHEET SO SHE COULD HAVE A TENT

ON THE HIGHEST BUNK. THEY PLAYED IN THE ATTIC WITH ME,

THROWING DOWN ALL THE CHRISTMAS THINGS

THEN GOING THROUGH ALL THE BOXES TO SEE

CHRISTMAS PAST WITH ALL THEIR DADS OLD 

DECORATIONS. THERE WAS BICKERING AND LONG EXPLAINED

CORRECTIONS FROM MUMSIE.

YET THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE TOGETHERNESS,

SISTERLY BONDS AND PLAYING TOGETHER.

AT EACH OPPORTUNITY, I WANTED TO MAKE SURE

THEY KNEW JUST HOW LUCKY THEY ARE TO HAVE EACH OTHER.

WHEN THEY BICKERED I REMINDED THEM ABOUT MY LOOSING

MY SISTER NOT VERY LONG AGO.

THE LASTING IMPRESSION I WANT TO LEAVE HERE, 

NEVER TO FORGET, IS NOT ONLY THE PILLOW FIGHT, 

CALLED FOOSH HERE, THAT IS TRADITION FOR A SLEEPOVER.

THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE IS WHEN WE ALL LAYED DOWN,

4 IN A KING SIZE BED AND I, LIKE ALWAYS BEGAN TO SING

PRAYERS AND SONGS THAT WE SING EACH TIME THEY SLEEP OVER.

THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT. 

INSTEAD OF JUST MY VOICE RINGING IN THEIR EARS,

THREE OTHER LITTLE VOICES CHIMED IN.

EACH OF THEM NOT MISSING ONE WORD TO THE

PRAYERS AND SONGS I HAVE SUNG TO THEM SINCE THEY 

WERE BABIES. 

AND THIS MY DEAR FOLLOWERS, IS THE MAIN REASON

FOR THIS BLOG. THAT A TRADITION I STARTED WHEN

THEY WERE BABIES HAS BECOME SUCH A ROUTINE PART

OF THEIR SLEEPOVERS THAT THEY KNOW EVERY WORD THAT

HAS EVER BADLY BEEN SUNG TO THEM BY THEIR MUMSIE

IS EMBEDDED IN THEIR CHILDHOOD MEMORY.

AND THAT IS THE GIFT OF BEING A GRANDPARENT.

(SILLY PHOTOS)

BUT OUR JEMMA, NEVER KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. CAME TO CHECK ON

HER AS SHE WAS QUIET AND DECORATING A TREE WITH 

A WEDDING VEIL SHE FOUND IN THE ATTIC.

NEVER A DULL MOMENT WITH THIS DIVA.

My Daughter is...

 My Daughter is Gay....

She is also a Chef,  married to her best friend,

and an Entrepreneur.

She loves animals, especially Her and Del's.

She knows so much about water buffalo's,

works on a farm where they are raised.

She is open and honest, starting to talk to strangers

just like her Momma.

I started this blog with a sentence that should not be important.

Not many parents or people have to start a conversation with 

" My child is straight"

This thought came to me on two occasions this week.

One when a new friend asked about my family portraits

on the piano. I felt the need to explain my Daughters wedding photo.

The other was while speaking to this same Daughter about 

another person who had yet to come out.

I made the statement to her of "Why should it matter,

we don't go around saying,  so and so is straight"

And this very statement got me thinking that a blog was in order.

As I realize I do this very same thing when speaking to 

someone new,  of

Jelaini's relationship (what I call Jesi and Delainie).

I asked myself, why do I do this....

One reason is because I am very proud of these girls.

Even more so after having them live with me for the last three months

following Ida. They are a good team, they cook and try new things

all the while talking about everything. They have a better relationship

then
what  I see in some heterosexual ones.

Yet, I realize the main reason I do such a thing is because

there are still so many people that will pass judgement

or give their negative beliefs on the subject of homosexuality.

I say it to let them know, Beware of what you say,

I am the proud parent of a gay child.

A GATHERING, A CELEBRATION

 Today we shall gather together, family and friends

to celebrate my oldest sisters life.

I am excited to see these people and spend time with them all.

This memorial is not to be a sad one.

I want my Grand Girls and all the other little children to see

that death is part of life and it is not always a sad thing.

I want them to witness us all laughing and sharing moments

that we had with Simone.

To assure them that although we will miss her, we are convinced

that there is another life after this one.

Simone's life was not always easy but she always tried

to see the best in most situations.

There were so many times that her life was at a point that

It might be the end, and yet, she fought through it and lived

to tell her story. 

Now as we gather at Mumsie's Cottage after the Memorial 

we shall carry on and tell her story and remember to 

hold those we love just a little tighter, a little closer

as the "Circle of life" continues to turn.

THE COLLINS CLAN

 THERE IS NOT A PHOTO THAT MEANS MORE TO MYSELF AND MY FAMILY 

THAN THIS ONE.

Many years ago, I was going through old negatives from my Daddy's 

Photography business and came across this rare one.

One from Simone's wedding to Joe that my own Daddy 

was the photographer.

It show the ages and the dynamics of our close knit family.

Left to right:

My mom holding me, I was under two years of age.

Veronica, Joe (Simone's husband), Larry, his step daughter and wife at the time,

Daddy holding Celena, Peter and Rosie in the front.

When I found the negative Momma had us each one made and framed

as a Christmas gift. It hangs in my bedroom as a reminder

of all the years our family was spread out.

Twenty three years between Taunt Mone and myself.

When she has those three good hours talking with Celena and I 

she even said, 

"Lilly, she has to tell everyone.. 23 years between us,

She is the oldest, I am the youngest.... If I didn't hear that 1.000 times

I never heard it once..."

Celena and I cracked up laughing because it's so very true.

Each time I have ever gotten to explain our family it is always 

what I say... Exactly like that. and over a thousand times

as I have said it to everyone whether Taunt Mone was there or not.

If you have been to the Cottage or a friend of mine,

you have heard me say this at least once, 

and I have probably walked you over to this very same photo

if you have been to the Cottage....

It is my very favorite one....

This Saturday morning, again feeling the loss as

since Ida, I visit Simone every Saturday with whatever Grand Girl is in tow.

Yet I know this is a great thing, that she has transitioned to the next World.

I know she will be sending us signs that all is well within her Soul!

Simone, Nov. 4th

My, niece, Minta who is Simone's daughter made a statement to her own children:

"If you are lucky, you get to leave this world the way you came into it"

Which meant, similar to Benjamin Button, you would regress to 

the baby you once were, being fed, cleaned, Comforted, loved.

All those things that were lovingly done for you as an infant

will once again be done for you as an elder.

As we watch and support my Oldest sibling this statement has become truth.

Hospice is a wonderful thing and having my sister back at the 

Nursing Home with KD as her hospice nurse is such a comfort to us all.

Yesterday AM was a tough one, KD called Minta and I to come to 

the home as she was there, making sure Simone was comfortable

and that loved ones were around her. 

When I got there, She was struggling and I did not think we had

much time left with her. Being a nurse, I started to do those things

that comes naturally to me. Then my dear Kd, My wonderful

Daughter-in- law, told me,

"You let me be the nurse and you be the sister"

Her words to me gave me a release that I had not felt since this ordeal began.

With this, I was able to be the comforter. I wiped her face,

held her hand, calmed her fears and finally just climbed into her

bed, held her and whispered the rosary in her ear as I beaded it on

her "Momma Rosary".

I layed my body next to hers just as she and other family members 

did for me when I had cancer so many years ago.

This along with all the meds Kd gave her to assist her breathing 

and her pain, she began to calm. Her oxygen rate increased,

her eyes closed and she was able to finally rest.

I believed this was her end.

I notified my siblings and family of this. 

MInta and I stayed to assure

she would not be alone as she made her final exit to the 

everlasting life that begin after this one.

And then... In true Simone fashion....

She opened her eyes and began to talk.

Celena, another sister arrived and she and I was given

one of the best gifts anyone could imagine.

As we sat on and at her bedside, she began to talk.

Her breathing was labored at times and her stories 

were not always making sense but we heard and understood

what her messages were relaying to us.

I now know that she, like me, has the gift of gab,

and did she gab... she put my "diarrhea of the mouth" to shame.

She told us stories of her childhood and of our own.

She asked about family members and wanted to speak to our sister, Veronica.

Celena was able to FaceTime Veronica and she was able to share her

love and say her goodbye's. She asked about my brother, Peter 

and we told her he would be coming to visit soon.

She spoke of my brother Larry who has died and his wife Lupita.

She asked about nieces and nephews, and about their children.

At one point Celena and I looked at each other and agreed

that we were so very glad to be a part of this special afternoon.

She warmed our hearts many times over. We prayed, we sang.

For me, she brought me to tears when, talking of her episodes in 

the hospital and of the morning, she said in a few different ways.

"I could not breathe, I thought I was going to die, then you walked in

and I thought to myself, Lilly is here, everything will be alright."

To hear and know that my being there was all she needed to feel peace,

well, not everyone gets to actually hear that from a loved one's mouth.

For every time I decided to go to the nursing home to visit, each time

I put away a painting to go to the hospital, each time I held her hand

and comforted her and even when I climbed into her bed, at that moment,

I was so very glad I followed my heart and not my mind.

No amount of work that would get done, no amount of money my

paintings give me, can compare to knowing what my presence meant to 

my sister and to myself.

Death is a part of the circle of life, Hospice and Kd makes the

transition easier. We will be sad to loose Simone but to 

be there as she takes this final life voyage has been one of the

best gifts I have ever experienced.

She and we are the "lucky ones" my niece spoke about to her children.

She will leave this World the way she came in, comforted and loved.

Thanks so much to everyone for your love, thoughts, prayers and support!