VISITING MY "MOTHERING ERA"

As I go through photos again this am,

I find these that are poorly taken but they are photos

 from some of our home videos.

They remind me of many things but the one thing

I think I was best at was Mothering.

It was not promised to me, to be a Momma.

Cancer treatments and radiation to my abdomen

back then was harsh.

I grew up believing that I would not have children.

To my surprise, after only 9 months of marriage,

I found myself pregnant with Roddie.

I know I made a lot of mistakes,

what's that saying,

"They don't come with an instruction manual"

I was young, probably way too young to me a Momma 

as Roddie was born three days after my 22nd birthday.

Thankfully my big family had taught me a lot on

what I wanted and didn't want to do as a Mother.

Raising these two children is the best and hardest thing

I have ever done but also the most rewarding.

Bear with me as I share a few memories I don't want to forget.

Roddie has always been such a good big brother. 

While he was a sweet and sensitive child,

his sister came along to show him the other side of life.

She was headstrong and afraid of nothing.

He shared his gentleness with her and she shared her tenacity with him.

Although he was 4 years older than her,

he always has adored her and allowed her to be part of 

his circle of friends.

There is not one home video I have of Roddie and his friends

that Jesi is not involved in.

I could spend the whole day blogging about these two

but I will just share one of many stories.

There was a time that both of them were unhappy with me.

I don't remember what it was, but they decided they were running away.

While Roddie packed underwear and food,

Jesi packed her Lion King toys.

As they prepared for their leaving I reminded them

that if I had paid for it, it really was not theirs to take.

That limited a lot of their decisions.

 Roddie packed with this thought in mind

while Jesi could care less what I had said.

If they carried this out, they could not come back I informed them.

When they decided to leave I told them bye that I loved them

and I locked the door.

Roddie got to the street and had already changed his mind.

They made their way back to the door to find I had locked it.

Roddie began crying immediately and I could hear their conversation,

It went something like:

"We should have not ran away now she won't let us come back"

Jesi saying.

"We don't need her, Woddie let's go"

Just like a memory does to us, it may not have gone exactly like this

but in my heart and mind this what I remember.

  

Now that they are grown adults, both successful 

with families of their own, I am not one who 

longs for the older days, but there are those times.

Like when I am lying in my bed remembering how we 

all used to sleep together, the things we talked about still in my heart.

Like when I go through my old photos and come across so many

of them that tell a story of a wonderful past.

My kiddo's may say the best gift I ever gave them was allowing them 

to be who they were with strict guidance admitting when I made mistakes.

HOWEVER I KNOW THE VERY BEST GIFT 

I EVER GAVE THEM WAS EACH OTHER.