Thursday, February 9, 2017

CANCER, IT DOES NOT END WHEN REMISSION BEGINS....

This morning, I was Facebook challenged to post 
a message by my dear friend, David who also is now
a cancer survivor. 
Although it seems kind of low, I decided to post this message. In Support of a very special person to me, who have been struggling and following with firmness, good energy and teaches us to live every day with the best day!!! I'm watching the ones who will have the time to read this post until the end. This is a little test, just to see who reads and who shares without reading! If you have read everything, select "like" so I can put a thank you on your profile! Cancer is very invasive and destructive to your body. After you have finished your treatment, then, your body wants to go to war with yourself trying to reconstruct all the damage caused by radiation. It's a very long process.
Please, in honor of someone who died, or is fighting cancer, or even had cancer, copy and paste.
They all say: "if you need anything, do not hesitate, I'm gonna be there for you"
Reading this has sparked a blog.
I rarely talk about my cancer "stuff" unless its positive or I am asked.
Before I begin I want to say, I am not bitter,
I know the treatments given to me saved my life and others after me.
 (circa 1968 before diagnosis)
( oh and I still have that pink leather dress, hanging in my cottage, just saying)
(circa 1970, hair just growing back)

So many I love have battled or continue to battle the big C.
Just this morning I received a text to pray for a friend
whose cancer has returned.... everywhere you turn it's there.
Why was I spared a deadly Kidney cancer?
Was it because The Big Man knew I would have the
"gift of gab" (diarrhea of the mouth, take your pick)
 and share my story of hope with many?
Was it just not my time? 
Some things will never be answered.
I know that a series of events fell into places that were
nothing short of miracles and here I am, at 52,
still living with one kidney, two beautiful children that I was
told would never happen.
I usually only talk of the good parts of the whole adventure.
Yet the post of my friend, David this am had me feeling the
urge to speak of what the treatments, made to save our lives
do to us... Again, none of us are bitter, us Cancer Warriors,
but the story, good and bad, needs to be told so those coming
after us, those fighting now, can see they are not alone...
I AM A 5 YEAR OLD CHILD,
LOVED AND SPOILED BY TWO OLDER PARENTS
(50 AND 48)
AND 6 SIBLINGS WITH 23 YEARS BETWEEN MYSELF,
THE BABY, AND MY OLDEST SIBLING.
I HAVE A NIECE I ADORE AND A SISTER
TWO YEAR OLDER THAN ME THAT I ALSO ADORE.
THE DIAGNOSIS COMES IN AND ITS NOT GOOD.
REMEMBER IT IS 1968....
THIS POST IS NOT THE HISTORY OF THAT STORY,
NOT THIS TIME, SO I WILL FAST FORWARD
TO I HAVE SURVIVED, HAVING BEEN GIVEN TOO MUCH
RADIATION AND CHEMOTHERAPY BECAUSE MY
TREATMENT WAS NOT TO SAVE MY LIFE, BUT TO 
HELP THOSE COMING AFTER....
YET I SURVIVED.
CHEMOTHERAPY IS POISON...
LITERALLY IT IS, AND IT DOES NOT GO AWAY
WHEN THE CANCER DOES.
IT LEAVES YOU WITH "CHEMO" BRAIN FOR YEARS.
I HAD TROUBLE IN SCHOOL WITH TRYING TO RETAIN
THINGS. THE BEST LEARNING I RECEIVED WAS THAT
OF MY FATHER AND MY SIBLINGS.
THANKFULLY I WAS A PRETTY SMART PATOOTIE.
BACK THEN "CHEMO BRAIN" WAS NOT KNOWN OF.
NOW THAT IT IS, SO MUCH OF MY CHILDHOOD MAKES SENSE
 SENSE.
YET, IT IS THE DREADED RADIATION THAT HAS REEKED 
HAVOC ON MY BODY.
FOR YEARS, GROWING UP I HAD WEIRD UNEXPLAINABLE
ILLNESSES. IN 4TH GRADE I MISSED A WHOLE HALF OF A YEAR
OF SCHOOL BECAUSE I COULD NOT WALK ON ONE KNEE.
THEY TOLD MY PARENTS IT WAS RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS.
IT WAS NOT, IT WAS RADIATION ISSUES.
YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER, IN 1968 I WAS WAY TOO SMALL,
30 POUNDS AND THERE WAS NO PROTECTION OF OTHER ORGANS.
THERE WAS NO PINPOINT OF THE RADIATION.
MY BABIES, NOW 31 AND 27, ARE TRUE MIRACLES.
THOSE FEMALE PARTS SHOULD HAVE NEVER WORKED.
IMAGINE THE ELATION WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT.
I WILL NEVER LOOK AT MY TWO CHILDREN AND NOT
SEE THE MIRACLES THAT THEY ARE.
THE TRUE RADIATION PROBLEMS CAME AS AN ADULT.
I AM NOT GOING TO LIST NOR GO INTO DETAIL WITH ALL OF 
THOSE STORIES. YET I WILL SAY, I HAVE ALWAYS HAD VERY 
STRANGE, NEVER SEEN BEFORE PROBLEMS WITH THIS
BODY OF MINE. I CAN TRY TO EXPLAIN BY MY GYNECOLOGIST'S
WORDS:
AFTER 10 YEARS OF COMPLAINING OF THIS WEIRD PAIN
IN MY RIGHT, RADIATED SIDE, HE DECIDED TO DO A LAPROSCOPY.
THAT SURGERY LANDED UP BEING AN EXPLORATORY SURGERY
TRYING TO FIX A MESS HE FOUND HIMSELF LOOKING AT.
IT TOOK HIM ANOTHER SURGEON AND OVER 4 HOURS TO
PUT ME BACK TOGETHER.
WHEN I AWAKENED, HE APOLOGIZED PROFUSELY, SAYING
HE SHOULD NEVER HAVE LET ME SUFFER FOR 10 YEARS.
WHEN HE WENT IN TO LOOK, HE SAID MY INSIDES LOOKED
LIKE THE REMAINS OF A HOUSE FIRE....
WOW, FINALLY I HAD A REASON FOR FEELING LIKE I DID,
I WAS NOT CRAZY. 
MY ATROPHIED MUSCLES ON THE RIGHT SIDE WITH THE MISSING
KIDNEY ON THAT SIDE, ALONG WITH SCOLIOSIS, ALSO CAUSED
BY RADIATION, BRITTLE BONES TO ONLY THE AREA 
WHERE THE RADIATION WAS GIVEN THE STRONGEST, 
GAVE ME PEACE, I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD I WOULD
ALWAYS STRUGGLE WITH THE AFTER AFFECTS
OF THE DREADED RADIATION.
I HAD TO GIVE UP A CAREER I LOVED AFTER 30 YEARS
BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T DO IT TO THE BEST OF MY
ABILITY ANYMORE.
MY BODY IS MADE UNLIKE MOST AND IT IS NOTICEABLE
AND YET, I MADE A DECISION LONG AGO, THIS IS ME,
I REFUSE TO FEEL LESS BEAUTIFUL THAN OTHERS,
I REFUSE TO LIVE MY LIFE WORRYING ABOUT 
WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS, I REFUSE TO 
LET THE BIG C BE THE CONTROLLER OF MY LIFE.
WHERE, YOU MAY ASK, HAVE I GOTTEN THIS SELF CONFIDENCE
I SPEAK OF, I AM STRONGER HAVING GONE THROUGH ALL OF THIS...
I WAS 6/7 YEARS OLD, BEING TEASED OFTEN AT SCHOOL
OF BEING BALD, SKINNY, CURLY HEADED,
STAINED TEETH....
MY RIDE HOME ON THE BUS WAS OFTEN 
TORTURE, YET I LAUGHED WITH THEM.
SOMEWHERE INSIDE OF MYSELF I KNEW IF I
LAUGHED INSTEAD OF CRYING THEY WOULD
EVENTUALLY FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO TORTURE.
'THEY' WOULD NEVER SEE ME CRY.....
 I WOULD WALK FROM THE BUS DOWN DURSETTE STREET
TO THE FIRST HOME BEHIND RANDOLPH'S RESTAURANT
WHERE MY DAD WAS ALWAYS WAITING FOR ME,
HAPPY TO SEE ME,NOT UNTIL THEN WOULD I ALLOW
MYSELF TO CRY. I WOULD LET
ALL THAT STRESS GO AND MY DAD, BEING A MAN OF
FEW WORDS WOULD TELL HIS LITTLE GIRL THE 
THINGS SHE NEEDED TO HEAR TO MAKE ME WHO I AM TODAY.
HE WOULD HOLD ME AND REMIND ME, SOMETIMES DAILY,
"LIL, IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT THE WORLD THINKS OF
YOU, WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH THIS DOOR,
YOU ARE LOVED AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS"
...and that my dear followers, is why this woman of 52 years
has more confidence than one woman needs!
Pray for those fighting, especially, RB, GL, JA
this blog is dedicated to you and all those others!

1 comment:

  1. Love you!! I always remember you saying how Poppie would tell you this when you got home. You life, and the lives of your children are nothing short of a MIRACLE!!
    Will keep others in prayer.
    Tiff

    ReplyDelete

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